Dildos Become Projectiles As Sex-Store Employees Foil Would-Be Robbery

When you get into a physically threatening situation, it pays to be resourceful and use whatever tools you have available to you. If you work at a sex toy store, those tools are dildos.

The gun that this San Bernadino robber used must have been fake as all hell, because neither employee appears to be the least bit fazed by it. The bungled burgling took place Wednesday night around 9:45 p.m. at Lotions & Lace, and an employee identified as “Amy” was more annoyed than anything.

“With the gun, he walked in. I just thought he was trying to be funny, to scare us,” she said. “But then I saw the gun and it was like, really? I don’t have time for this.”

Her co-worker, the dildo lobber, was also not impressed by the sad failed robbery.

“I think he was a coward,” said the store’s other employee. “Coming in and trying to get over on two females and not realizing that were pretty feisty.”

The pathetic doofus eventually left without anything to show for his heist except for a few dildo-shaped bruises. As the heroic dildo thrower said, “They’ve got some weight on them.”

[ ABC7]