Do Some Trades!

Do you see this? Do you see this? I do not care about the Rockies recalling Yency Almonte and I never will. I do not get my hopes up in the last week of July, the depth of the dog days of a long, long baseball season, over the possibility of call-ups and 40-man roster moves. I am here for the trades. The trades should be here for me.

Wednesday at 4 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time is the MLB trade deadline, and for the first time, it is the only trade deadline. No August waivers deals to dilute the drama anymore, just pure, concentrated July 31 trade madness. With so many of baseball’s biggest spenders in the playoff picture, the situation would seem ripe for trades. Big ones! Big names. October-changing deals. And yet, circumstances have conspired to so far deny us the trades.

The Giants, boasting one of the top ostensibly available starters in Madison Bumgarner and top relievers in Will Smith, and playing like total butt for the first three months of the season, were sure to be sellers. Bumgarner, he of one of the greatest all-time October performances, was going to get another shot at it, perhaps in Atlanta or Minnesota or New York. Everyone would have enjoyed that, except Giants fans, and to hell with them. And then the Giants went and started winning, at an absurd clip, screwing up everything. I do not care about the Giants finishing .500. I care about them doing trades!

The Indians? Even worse. Despite being a contending team they spent all winter dangling the possibility of cool trades of their good starters. A tease. Now all their starters are either out or are Trevor Bauer, and with a July surge putting Cleveland just two games out in their division, they might not even move him. The Phillies? No, probably not. Just trade him!

Noah Syndergaard, now that’s a guy to trade. The New York Yankees, now that’s a team that wants to trade. But the stupid Mets institutionally refuse to do trades with the Yankees despite being entirely willing to do trades with actual divisional rivals, because they are stupid.

Zack Wheeler? Maybe damaged goods. Matthew Boyd? Asking price too high. Mike Minor? Not a certainty to be moved at all. Robbie Ray, Marcus Stroman? Fine, but also I’m sitting here and they’re still not traded. I swear to god, if Jason freaking Vargas is the big deadline name...

C’mon, MLB teams. I know you have the trades. All I’m asking is for you to give them to me.

Do the trades!