Drake Will Perform At The NHL All-Star Game

Perhaps our resident Drakeologist will weigh in on this later, but I just had to rush to tell you the exciting news: the NHL has tapped Drake to perform at the second intermission of this Sunday's All-Star Game, when the score will already be 8-6 and everyone will have tuned out.

There literally may never be a better time to visit Ottawa, but that's the faintest of praise. Still, give the NHL credit for landing a performer who's relevant. (Gary Bettman: "Get me that guy all the young people are into these days. You know, the one who pretends he drinks too much cough syrup so he'll seem street.") The Super Bowl once again goes as uninspired as uninspired can be, with the unobjectionable Madonna to perform at halftime. MLB continues to book interchangeable mom-rock bands like Train and Fountains of Wayne for its events. So Drake is about as hip as you can get, especially since Bettman moved Lil Wayne's team to Winnipeg.