Dwight Howard, who is listed at 6-foot-11 with a seven-foot wingspan, decided to use absolutely none of his god-given physical gifts as he tried to score on his old team tonight. Maybe he thought it would be unfair to the shorter Evan Fournier; maybe, in a burst of whimsy, he wanted to pretend to be small. But the result was not a scrappy bit of craftsmanship, but a fantastic failure.

This guy is still unfathomably more athletic than you.