Dwight Howard Will Voice A Turkey In A Movie About...Turkeys

The film is called Free Birds. Owen Wilson, Amy Poehler and Colm Meaney, who will clearly voice the Asshole Turkey, are in it. Dwight Howard will voice a character named Cold Turkey. Do you get it?

Here's the plot synopsis from IMDb:

Two turkeys from opposite sides of the tracks must put aside their differences and team up to travel back in time to change the course of history - and get turkey off the holiday menu for good.

I just...I don't know. This is very discouraging. I want to make a bunch of Dwight-Howard-is-a-turkey jokes that would really resonate with the Your Parents demographic, but I just don't have it in me after reading that. It's kind of like two guys got together and decided to write a suicide note but wound up with time-travelling turkeys instead. Then someone else came in and did a re-write. True story. Two Turkeys' Excellent Adventure got a second swing on this one.

Listen Hollywood, I've got a screenplay that is about three-quarters finished. It is not about time-travelling turkeys from opposite sides of the tracks who put aside their differences to save future generations of turkeys from the ultimate turkey nightmare scenario. Maybe the entire town is just in a drug-induced stupor and Planes, Trains and Automobiles meets Back to the Future just makes a shitload of sense to you all. Hit me up, I'm here to help.

Free Birds will hit theaters November 1, 2013 just in time for another string of brutal turkey murders.

Photo credit: Getty

Lakers Star Dwight Howard Joins Relativity/Reel FX Pic ‘Free Birds’ [Deadline]