Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled Eagles at Bears: A UUGE Live Blog!

Donovan McNabb is playing, despite suffering a chest bruise. Kyle Orton is playing, despite a case of ineptitude. Devin Hester and Brandon Lloyd are both questionable. Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann are both annoying. Hey, Keith, why the fuck are you still around? Is McCain playing in this game tonight? Forget that guy, we're live-blogging! 0:00 My game ball goes to Correll Buckhalter. 18 touches, 90 all-purpose yards, one touchdown. And I'm still not convinced he didn't get in at the end there. Oh well. Good game. Good live blog. Good night. 0:28 The Eagles can't block the punt, and DeSean is backed up, and then runs it out near his own 40. McNabb needs a TD here. Reggie Brown makes a great catch BUT CAN'T GET OUT OF BOUNDS! They won't get the ball reset in time, and that's your game. Bears 24, Eagles 20. 1:14 I want to say that DeSean Jackson should go on the trailer, but (a) the Eagles are losing, and (b) that muffed punt really puts my panties in a bunch. Forte can't get the first down, and now Maynard lines up to punt again, and it looks like...yes, Chicago is using another timeout. 2:00 Horse Trailer commemmoration is "TBD." It's Forte up the middle again to make it 3rd and 4. And now Chicago will call timeout. 2:33 It's Forte up the middle again. It's clock killing time. A first down should seal the game for the Bears. It will be 2nd and 8 when we get back from the 2-minute Warning. 2:33 Forte up the middle for a first down. Philly burns its last timeout. Commercial. That pasta from Pizza Hut looks delicious right now. 3:27 Wow, there's no challenge. I'm stunned on yet another level. Chicago sends Forte up the middle and he gets a couple. And now Orton throws a short ball to Olsen to bring up 3rd and 4. Philly calls another timeout. They have one left. 3:40 "I would put it in McNabb's hands," says Madden. Buckhalter goes up the middle! Man, that is close! They're saying he didn't get it! I think he got it. Time to burn that challenge, Andy Reid! 3:40 Timeout Eagles. What do they call here? Do they run it up the middle again? Do you pass? What would you do if your QB was Donovan McNabb and your third-string running back had been getting the shit beaten out of him all game? 4:23 Buckhalter JUMPS OVER THE TOP AND HE DOESN'T GET IN!! Fourth and goal! This is for most, if not all of the marbles! 5:10 Bears play ALL 11 MEN IN THE BOX on second down, and Buckhalter is stopped at the 2. 6:31 Buckhalter runs again for eight, and then takes a McNabb pass down to the 4. First and goal. 6:53 Correll Buckhalter cannot be stopped; he gains another six yards on first down. Baskett makes a quick gain and it's another Eagles first down. 9:33 Buckhalter drags a trail of bodies to midfield. The Eagles are using motion to try to make the Bears forget that they have no running backs...except for Tony Hunt, who catches a first-down ball at the Chicago 36. 10:28 Back from commercial and the clock is fixed. Bears kick to Quintin Demps, who runs it to the Philly 24. And McNabb has another chance to overcome adversity here and win a game for his team on national TV. He finds Celek for 6 yards near the flat, and it's 2nd and almost-short. 10:28 One of the real-time stat trackers has the game time at 10:28. Works for me. ??? Kick is good. Bears 24, Eagles 20. Commercial. ??? Orton WAAAAAYY overthrows Booker on second down and then takes a shot to the back of the head, and then grounds the ball on third down, but there's no flag. And now Gould will try for a field goal from 41 yards out. "11:41" Devin Hester gets a first down on an end-around. The referee announces the time remaining in the game. ??? That time delay was the scoreboard malfunctioning, so game time is being kept on the field. So we have no idea how much time is left. And Chicago gets a first down while I typed all that. 13:15 Michaels apparently knows something about finance, but Marty Booker tries to throw on an end-around gadget play, but there's nothing there. Orton throws incomplete on the next play, and it's 3rd and 7. 13:21 Akers tries an air-pooch kick to the Bears 30 to stay away from Hester. The Bears will take over at their own 40. And now there's some kind of clock issue...uh, it hasn't reached "0:00" yet? 13:41 McNabb finds Avant for a short gain, but now David Akers will come out and try to make this a one-opoint game...and does. Bears 21, Eagles 20. Commercial. 4th Quarter - 15:00 McNabb drops back and HE'S SACKED! Defense and slippery balls carry the day! Buckhalter runs up the middle to make it a more managable 3rd and 15. 0:44 Orton, I'm pretty sure, is getting "credit" for that fumble. McNabb and his zero running backs will try to move the ball here and DeSean Jackson does just that on an end around, good for a first down. End of 3rd Quarter. Bears 21, Eagles 17. 0:49 Orton fumbles a handoff exchange and it's PHILLY BALL! 1:03 Lance Briggs tips McNabb's 3rd down pass and that's incomplete. Devin Hester fields the punt but can't do much with it. 2:30 Buckhalter is still in, and he takes the handoff from the Eagles' 16 and goes nowhere. McNabb finds DeSean on second down. Spencer Tillman leaves the game; he must be in worse shape than even he thought. 3:35 Forte takes it up the middle for a couple. And Orton takes a sack. And Michaels has taken his jacket off, but Madden has not. He's probably wearing white shoes...after labor day. Maynard's punt is fair-caught. 4:15 Hester takes the kickoff 1 yard into the end zone and gets the ball out to midfield. Orton gets back on track with a short completion to Greg Olsen. 4:22 Avant can't get an inside release on the slant and the pass is incomplete. Akers pulls out the sand wedge and puts another three on the board. Chicago 21, Philadelphia 17. 5:03 Hank Baskett, who's not engaged to that Kendra girl, can't come up with the catch in the end zone. Second and goal: McNabb trips coming out from under center and calamity is suddenly running rampant. 5:25 Jason Avant runs inside for a shovel pass and gets enough to get a measurement...First and goal. 7:05 3rd and 7: McNabb finds Avant sitting on his ass (seriously) and Jason makes a catch good for a first down. McNabb finds Selleck up the middle. And I've been misspelling his name all night. Celek's catch is good for 6. 7:51 Booker, the Eagles' third-string RB, just ran for three. If you know any Eagles fans wearing jerseys at Soldier Field, tell them to start loosening up. 8:00 Orton returns to form on his next possession, taking a sack and fumbling. Philly ball. 8:00 Actually, Akers tries for a field goal. It hits the upright. Bears still lead by 7. Enough of the fucking food shots already. 9:14 McNabb looks for the money shot down the sideline for Greg Lewis but it's off the mark. McNabb works from the shotgun on 2nd down and throws a screen pass that's destroyed by Lance Briggs. Third and a long 12, and Selleck can't get to the sticks. Philly will punt again. 10:05 Chicago just runs it up the middle now to give Maynard room to actually swing his leg here. The punt is nearly blocked, and DeSean fields and runs the punt to the Chicago 40. 10:23 It's ASTON KUTCHER AND DEMI MOORE! AND THEY'RE WITH GALE SAYERS! Chicago tries to run out of, and then throw out of the end zone. No dice, and it's 3rd and 11. 11:01 3rd and 6, McNabb looks for Jackson, but Chicago's actually covering him now. Rocca punts for the fifth time and backs Hester up, who actually scoops up the punt while running backwards and can't turn the corner. Chicago will be in a hole when they take over inside their own 5. It's a return of -8 yards. 11:47 Lorenzo Booker checks into the Philadelphia backfield and he'll run up the middle for four. McNabb goes into the shotgun and gets DeSean hit in the back, and he drops what would have been an Eagle first down. 12:30 The new Knight Rider looks like shit. As if I actually had to say that. First and ten on the Eagles' 11 and Forte goes up the middle in a cloud of dust. The Bears should be happy to get three here, but Orton throws AND HE'S PICKED OFF IN THE END ZONE BY QUINTIN MIKELL! I LOOKED UP HIS NAME! It's a Philly touchback; they'll get the ball on the 20...when we come back (cue Deal Or No Deal music...) 12:30 McNabb looks for DeSean again and IT'S PICKED OFF BY THE SAFETY! I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME! HE HAS BLOCKERS! Kevin Payne runs it back to the Eagles' 10. And now Buckhalter is down. Commercial. 14:05 Eight yard pass to Reggie Brown gives the Eagles a little breating room. And now Buckhalter gets 24 running off-tackle right. So much for field position. 14:05 Maynard booms a beauty. DeSean Jackson, who muffed a punt earlier, lets it roll....all the way down to the Eagles' 4 yard line. It's a 67-yard punt, with no return. Maynard could have booted the Germans out of Paris with that punt. 3rd Quarter - 15:00 Bears get the kickoff to their own 27. Injury update on Brandon Lloyd: done for the night. Two runs net very little and now it's third and long. Orton can't find Booker and the Bears go three-and-out. Appropos of nothing, here's your halftime entertainment.

. 0:11 Ruling stands. Incomplete. This ref was the guy that called the Tuck Game. If you care. Maynard boots it and Corey Graham makes a nice catch to down it at the Philadelphia 5. With one second left, I expect Philly to just take a knee. They do, and that's the half. Bears 21, Eagles 14. 0:11 Well hang on, the booth is reviewing the play, suggesting that this might be a fumble. Doesn't really look like a fumble, and this incompletion ruling should hold up. Here's the line for Orton so far: CP/AT YDS TD INT K. Orton 15/23 174 3 1 Get your waiver claims in now. 0:15 Orton throws to Forte for a short gain, and then runs up and spikes it. 3rd and 3. Orton's pass is knocked down, and now Chicago will have to punt themselves with 11 seconds left. 0:29 Rocca punts it out of bounds and the crowd boos. The Bears will get it on their own 45. They're out of timeouts. 0:47 DeSean Jackson can't get the first down and Chicago calls timeout. The Bears are getting the ball back, and Rocca will be punting again to Devin Hester. 1:11 Philly will get 1st and 10 on their 22. McNabb finds Avant over the middle for fiveand then Reggie Brown drops what would have been a first down. Orton's three TD passes tonight are a career high. 2:00 Forte running wide (again) and gets nothing (again). Third down. I guess Forte is just trying to keep the Eagles secondary honest. Orton goes DOWN THE SIDELINE FOR HESTER AND HE'S IN!!! TOUCHDOWN!!! That WAS a perfect pass! Holy shit, Kyle Orton is putting on a show. Without alcohol! Extra point is good. Michaels says "They're playing 'Fight On, Chicago Bears.'" Idiot. Bears 21, Eagles 14. 2:20 First down, Chicago. "This is where Kyle Orton is the best." Madden says. "He can make all the throws [in the red zone]." First down pass from Orton is batted down. Two-minute warning. 2:34 Timeout Philly. Chicago is in field goal ranage and here comes the blitz. It's Forte on a screen, and...this is gonna be close. 3:31 If this was a KSK Live Blog, we'd be whipping out the Tina Fey jokes by now. Gocong makes another tackle, and it's 2nd and 9. orton throws a short ball to Hester, and he can't gain more than a yard. 3rd and eight. 3:31 Brandon Lloyd tries to run off the field, when Orton yells, "Go down!" Lloyd does, and the training staff runs out, hopefully with licorice. Commercial. 4:00 Orton finds Lloyd downfield AGAIN for about 25. "A perfect pass," Madden says. Lucky shot, I say. 5:14 Forte is stuffed at the line. Michaels mentions something about a threesome. Forte now takes a screen pass across the field, running 20 yards for a 4-yard gain. 6:10 Brian Urlacher makes the stop on a first down run. He's 30 now! McNabb's next throw is short of the first down, and it's 3rd and 1. Buckhalter IS STUFFED AT THE LINE and it's fourth down. Akers pulls a 50-yard field goal attempt. Chicago ball. Commercial. 7:34 Orton gets hit as he throws and it's picked off at the line. First down Philly. 8:18 2nd and 12. Orton calls timeout. Commercial. 9:59 The Bears have been going no huddle here, and hand it off to Kevin Jones, who barrels, and then spins, for about 15 yards. Orton calls a play from the line, but Jones loses two on the outside run to the right. 11:19 As much as we think Orton sucks, the staff seems to be giving him a lot of rope. He's getting chances to throw on third down, and here's another conversion on 3rd and 4 to Brandon Lloyd, and Orton is driving yet again. 12:29 McNabb lobs an ugly screen pass to Buckhalter and he tramples his way to the 2. Eagles go jumbo on 1st and goal and Buckhalter punches it in. Buckhalter hands the ball to an offensive lineman, who spikes it. Extra point is good. We're tied at 14. 13:46 That intended receiver was Reggie Brown, but McNabb finds him on the next play for a 16-yard gain for the first. and now the Eagles are at midfield and McNabb finds Brown AGAIN, this time for 31 yards, and the Eagles are getting at least three unless they fuck something up here. 13:51 Clinton Demps returns the kickoff for Philly and he gets it to about the 33. McNabb faces a blitz as he underthrows the hook route. Second down. 14:03 Short run and ORTON finds Marty Booker on the post route for a touchdown! Neckbeard Army, salute! Extra point is good. Bears 14, Eagles 7. Commercial. 2nd Quarter - 15:00 Third and long for the Bears, and they can't convert. Cocong is the guy that got the sack. Maynard punts AND DESEAN JACKSON DROPS THE PUNT and the Bears recover! That's like a long pass! That didn't go over someone's head! First down, Bears! 0:42 Orton takes over at about midfield and Orton is sacked again. The kid from Cal-Poly SLO does the deed. End of first quarter. Bears 7, Eagles 7. 1:46 Philly goes with Buckhalter on first and ten, he gets a couple up the middle. McNabb looks downfield for Reggie Brown, but Brown slips and it's incomplete. Madden calls Mrs. McNabb the perfect football mom as Donovan throws incomplete on third down. Rocca punts again and Hester runs 30 yards for a 2 yard gain. 2:22 Eagles send the house and the blitz get home. Maynard comes out to pooch it. DeSean takes it at the 5 (?) and runs out of bounds after a short return. 2:22 Madden wonders aloud after Hester drops that pass, (paraphrasing) "You wonder why they made Hester a defensive back." Yes, but where would you put Orton? 3:22 Quick route to Olson plus a Philly facemask gets another first down for the Bears. A run off left tackle gets nothing. But Orton goes DEEP AGAIN TO HESTER's right through his hands. 3:39 Rocca boots a UUGE punt but he's roughed by Tillman. Not good. But wait, Philly was in an illegal formation, and by rule those offset. We'll do fourth down again, and wonder about how anyone can get an illegal formation on a punt. Rocca's next punt is much less impressive, and Hester gets a short return to his own 45. Commercial. 4:56 Buckhalter drops a ball in the hook zone. Second down. Buckhalter off tackle right, but nothing's cookin' there either, and it's 3rd and 11. McNabb pirouettes and finally is taken down by Downtown Alex Brown. Bring the Australian! 5:40 False start on John Runyan, his first penalty since 2006! McNabb finds DeSean Jackson AGAIN for a first down. They might want to put a body on No. 10. 5:40 Philly fair-catches the punt. Commerical. The Bears are showing a lot of looks and seem to be getting guys open, but Orton ate too many Wheaties this morning. 6:30 The Bears are spread with four wide now, and they go to Hester on a quick screen. He gets five. And Orton has Forte WIDE OPEN on the flat but Orton overthrows HIM. Maynard comes in to punt. 7:18 3rd and short: Orton flips it to Forte and he dances for the first down. And the Bears have another drive going. Then Orton looks deep for Desmond Clark, but it's overthrown. 8:34 Gale Sayers is in the house! Chicago has the ball. Forte up the middle for one, and now the Bears get a false start. But they give it back to Forte on 2nd and 14 and he gets damn near a first down. 8:49 The Eagles actually kick it to Hester, and he runs it up to the 35. The replay shows the ball going right through the hands of Urlacher. Get some stickum on that heart and soul. Commercial. 8:49 Extra point is good. We're tied at 7. Commercial. 9:36 Buckhalter runs up the middle for nothing. 3rd and 10 here, and the Eagles would be wise to play for three. McNabb THROWS AND IT'S DESEAN JACKSON IN THE END ZONE! Touchdown Eagles! No flags! 10:33 Another big play to DeSean Jackson, who is determined to pick up the slack from Westbrook. And it's another first down. And now McNabb is looking for the end zone but Schoebel can't hold on. 12:59 McNabb finds DeSean for a gain of 23. And Buckhalter gets ROCKED by Lance Briggs. Buckhalter has had THREE season-ending injuries in his career. That's badass. 13:05 Gould kicks off (again). Don't be so surprised that Reid didn't challenge. It's awfully imprudent to blow a challenge so early in a game. And a false start on Philly. The Eagles are off to a flying stop. 13:05 Extra point is good. 7-0 Bears. 1st and 10 CHI Orton can't do any worse than a 3-and-out AND HE FINDS RASHIED DAVIS for a big gain! Screen to Forte, and HOLY SHIT IT'S GREG OLSEN! TOUCHDOWN BEARS! Kyle Orton is in full command! 14:51 - 1st 3rd and 10 and McNABB GOES DOWN! Daniel Manning blitzes from the corner for a Bears sack and Sav Rocca punts. 41 yards, no return. 15:00 - 1st 1st and 10 and the white tight end drops a quick out. His name is Brad Selleck, but I don't think he deserves a name after that play. And then McNabb goes DEEEEEP for DeSean Jackson and overthrows him. Third down. 15:00 - 1st Robbie Gould kicks it out of the end zone. And we are underway! Michaels calls Brian Urlacher the "heart and soul" of the Bears' defense. What's wrong with the Bears, Andrea wants to know? Can we blame syphilis? No? GMC commercial. If you buy an American car, you deserve everything that happens to you. Who among you had the balls to draft Matt Forte this summer? Good on you. Seriously. Al Michaels, John Madden, Andrea Kremer. I'd call this a "good hair plug day" for Michaels. Brian Westbrook IS INACTIVE. Oh, well Philly's fucked now. Westbrook's ankles can only carry that franchise so far, even when healthy. This game is in HD! And you have 142 days until they turn off analog TV...forever! Kansas City's Herm Edwards to his team after their win against Denver (paraphrasing here): "I told Mike Shanahan you had a helluva football team, but we were better than you today." Don't worry Herm. Mike's team will cream your ass any of the other 364 days. Pregame. Highlights blah blah Dallas lost at home and Zorn is doing "Hip hip Hooray!" in the locker room? What's next, Red Rover? Tony Romo had 300 yards passing in that game and lost. Romo's probably the most overrated QB in the league. Dallas has Marion Barber and Felix Jones and only really used one of them tonight. Your line for tonight: Bears + 3.5, the over/under is 34. Let's kick this puppy off.


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