Adam Wainwright Is A Merciless Prank Artist

Skip Schumaker spent the first eight of his 11 years in the majors playing for the St. Louis Cardinals, where he was teammates with, among others, career-Cardinal Adam Wainwright. Schumaker retired in 2016, after stints with the Dodgers and Reds, and is now the first base coach for the San Diego Padres.

Schumaker and Wainwright apparently have a history of pranking each other, one that dates back to their time as teammates in St. Louis. It sounds like Schumaker may have started it, with a series of minor little practical jokes, according to a St. Louis Baseball Weekly report:

“Baby powder in your vents in the air conditioning when you turn on the car,” recalled Wainwright. “Vaseline on the keys–Skip was relentless with that stuff.”

Annoying, sure, but mostly harmless and funny. When Wainwright struck back, though, during spring training, his form of oneupmanship was ruthless and horrifying, the kind of thing that can shake a man to his very core:

“My daughter Bailey was not even in pull-ups yet, still in baby diapers,” he explained. “For two weeks, I kept all the poop diapers she had in one bag. I brought them in to Spring Training and I just loaded up the back of his car all the way. Stuck them underneath all the seats–nothing that you could see.”

Disgusting! Terrible! How do you even stay friends with someone who fills your car with loaded baby diapers?

Schumaker, apparently a glutton for punishment, was not discouraged by Wainwright’s full-scale retaliation. Their prank war, in fact, continues this very season: Schumaker apparently sent pre-dawn room service to Wainwright’s hotel room when the Cardinals visited San Diego back in May. Not super cool, but not especially terrible, either—it would be nice to not have your sleep interrupted, but there are worse interruptions than delicious food! A classic Schumaker prank, annoying but harmless.

It appears that Wainwright used the month since then to plot his terrible revenge: Wednesday, when the Padres wrapped up a series in St. Louis, Wainwright, who is currently on the disabled list, snuck back into the locker room and went for the disproportionate response:

That’s right, Wainwright ironed his jersey decals onto Schumaker’s street clothes, and signed the shirt with a nice silver autograph pen. Dick move! The lesson here is do not get into a prank war with Adam Wainwright, unless you are prepared to sacrifice your car and your clothes and your dignity, maybe everything!