Connor Stalions is the biggest victor from Michigan’s title win

Now that Jim Harbaugh and Michigan are national champions, Connor Stalions’ name is officially etched into history. Whenever U-M fans dine out on this title, which they assuredly will do, detractors, haters, run-of-the-mill conspiracy theorists, and others will shout “Connor Stalions!” as if he was Keyser Söze, the second shooter on the grassy knoll, or Bigfoot.

There will forever be a Justin Long-sized shadow cast over this championship, and I’m not saying that to take anything away from Harbaugh, J.J. McCarthy, Blake Corum, and Co. Scandal was tossed around in the loosest way possible because the phrase “stealing signals” is catnip to sports fans and media.

Since the news of the malfeasance broke, there’s been a misconception that Harbaugh was on some Bill Belichick-ian stuff. While I’m sure a few people believe that — looking at you, state of Ohio — they will have to pry the trophy from the cold, dead fingers of the many Michigan men and women who will happily die on that hill.

Social media and ESPN need something to obsess over, and if anyone is culpable for Michigan’s title, it’s the people who broke out the pitchforks. The only narrative that mattered was the one that Harbaugh spun. It wasn’t Michigan versus Everybody until the SEC teams, current and future, got bounced, and even then, fans weren’t necessarily rooting for Washington; they just wanted the Wolverines to shut up about it.

“Nobody believed in us!” yelled the program that spent all season ranked No. 1, 2, or 3, and was favored in every game they played, including the postseason.

I think that’s what makes Stalions’ inseparable connection so funny. Michigan didn’t need to know what plays Minnesota, Illinois, or Indiana were running to beat them. The Big Ten sucked this year, and so did U-M’s non-conference schedule.

Regardless of how hard it was to beat Penn State, on the road, without even thinking about attempting a pass in the second half, the Wolverines’ most impressive feat was surviving half the season with Jim at home in his house khakis. Well, that or the comeback win over Alabama in the Rose Bowl.

This wasn’t Michigan versus everybody; it was Michigan versus themselves. I mean you have to have a pretty high opinion of yourself to face Nick Saban in the CFP, and think that the entire country is chanting “Roll Tide.”

The other low-key aspect that’s hysterical: Do you know how many humans in the history of mankind have striven for their name to resonate with society for more than a decade? Just aid and abet a quasi-real college football cheating scandal, and voila, legacy cemented.

Maybe if Harbaugh wasn’t so obnoxious with his persecution complex, people wouldn’t feel obligated to scream “Connor Stalions!” every time the bespectacled coach hops on TV. Buckeyes fans legit think that if they say “Connor Stalions” into a mirror three times fast, a slight, prepubescent man will appear behind them with a camcorder and season tickets to the other 19 Big Ten schools.

No, Connor Stalions isn’t the Boogeyman, nor is he the Candyman. He’s just some guy who did a little out-of-pocket work for Jim Harbaugh and Michigan that will forever be mentioned when talking about the 2023 college football season.