Let’s Look Back On Idiot Columnists Celebrating Tiki Barber’s Brave, Brave Retirement

Tiki Barber is unretiring from football today. Because hey, who couldn't use a media whore running back who talks shit out of the locker room and will be 36 by the time the season comes around?

But before we celebrate Tiki trying to make his child support payments, let's all remember the collective handjob the media gave Barber for walking away from the game five years ago. Ricky Reilly:

"When I get home from work," says Barber, "my [two- and four-year-old] kids come running at me. They make me get on my knees, and we play tackle football. On replacement knees, that's not happening. I saw this video of O.J. Simpson once, and his kids came running at him and he couldn't even pick them up. So I can see that if I play three or four more years, like everybody wants me to, that could be me. But when I'm 50 years old, and I'm having trouble just getting down the stairs, will they be cheering for me then?"

Meet Tiki Barber.

He walked, while he still could.

I know. Such courage. He walked, while he could still nail blonde chicks. USA Today:

By the bluish glow of a computer screen, Barber pores over world news in white shirt and tie, checking the latest on Pope Benedict XVI's visit to Turkey, President Bush's trip to the NATO summit in Latvia and developments in Iraq.

ZOMG! He's so learned! Not like those other savages out there on the field!

And, of course, Peter King:

You know the Barber retirement thing is no joke when you hear him use the word "Condi.'' You know, "Condi,'' as in the nickname for Condoleezza Rice, the Secretary of State. He was talking about having lunch with her at the State Department in a riff about how interesting the other side of his life is.

I know! That side of his life IS interesting! The way he cheated on his wife with an intern while she was pregnant. JUICY NUGGETS. What fortitude Tiki had back then, to walk away from the NFL and become a member of the MEDIA. There's no more noble pursuit than that. Ask any media person and they'll agree.

Just remember this the next time some fuckhead columnist pipes up about how awesome an athlete is for retiring while in their prime. It's a delightful load of shit.