When Erling Haaland unfurls his majestic hair, you know something is wrong

Julie DiCaro|published: Sun 3rd December, 15:00 2023

Referee Simon Hooper is surrounded by Erling Haaland, Mateo Kovacic, and Ruben Dias of Manchester City after he stopped the game to award Manchester City a free kick and deny Jack Grealish (not pictured) the chance to play on and have a goal scoring chance during the Premier League match between Manchester City and Tottenham Hotspur at Etihad Stadium on December 03, 2023 in Manchester, England. source: Getty Images

So how did Man City’s match go against Tottenham on Sunday?

Well that sums it up. It was such a rough day that Erling Haaland left the field with his impossible siren song head of hair unfurled, screaming profanities in the same fashion that the rest of us who don’t have any hair were screaming profanities at him:

Sure, he probably shouldn’t take time out of his day to swear at an official repeatedly that could see him fined. But look at that flow! It’s like it’s own society, perhaps even utopia! And that’s after 90 minutes of football! Rarely do you see waves and formations and a synchronicity outside of a map of several galaxies. Haaland’s hair might be the final shot of the next Men In Black movie, containing and muddying all the answers to the universe. It is obvious why he doesn’t let it out in all its glory very often, because when he does the very fabric of existence is shaken.

What was he so angry about that he threatened to rip open a hole in time with the exhibition of his locks? This:

Which is obviously an egregious piece of refereeing, but worth making everyone else question their place in this world? It’s only a football match, Erling.