Yesterday's slate of NBA games sucked. The sleeved jerseys had everyone looking like rec league handball players, and we had to watch the the Derrick Rose-less Chicago Bulls squat and take a dump on the collective chest of the Brooklyn Nets. And then we had to watch the New York Knicks.

The Knicks were playing the Oklahoma City Thunder, and we already knew it would be a blowout because the Knicks suck, and their best player, Carmelo Anthony, who also kind of sucks, was sitting out. This shit was a waste of everyone's time.

Apparently, it was also a waste of Carmelo's time, because with the game already over midway through the second, the forward just sort of leaned back and passed out with about four minutes remaining the the first half.


And to be honest, that's all I got. At the behest of outraged colleagues—Knicks fans who inexplicably consider Anthony SARS in a dumb headband and stupid arm warmer—I've tried to muster faux outrage at the guy for having the audacity to rest his eyes during a Knicks game, but I can't. You can debate how good Anthony is, but he's the best thing on a bad team. Would you want to watch Russell Westbrook drop a triple double before the third quarter was out if you were him? How about watching JR Smith go 8-22 (which, I guess, is indirectly Carmelo's fault), or Amar'e Stoudemire shambling around like a walking, mouth-breathing cadaver?


Look, after a night of wrapping presents and a morning of being with family and acknowledging the ostensible birth of baby Jesus and getting free shit, the last thing anyone wanted to do was watch a 29-point beatdown that was already a blowout before halftime. We are all Carmelo.