Every Team Sucks, But Not In The Same Way

When your record speaks for itself.
When your record speaks for itself.
Photo: Christian Petersen (Getty Images)

Somehow, in wild defiance of everything that has ever given order to the universe, NFL teams will begin playing preseason games in the next week. Straight up full-dress, pads-on football games, one real NFL team against another, the whole thing. Or not quite the whole thing—the recognizable players will play a creaky series or two and then a bunch of undrafted dudes from MAC programs will take it from there—but close enough to it that it is, against our better judgment and the fact that it’s still literally July, time to talk some NFL on the Deadcast. I know, I know:


Drew is still in the earliest stages of the annual Why Your Team Sucks masochism marathon, but also those bottom-feeding goofs are the teams that are most fun to talk about. In between pondering our relative Wife Guy statuses, we actually did talk about the misbegotten teams that Drew has covered so far in WYTS—the overt anticapitalist performance art of the Arizona Cardinals, the minimalist scam that is the San Francisco 49ers, and the localized but incurable brain virus playing as the New York Jets. The bad teams will keep coming pretty much until it’s time to start playing real games that count, but this is where we are now—in the height of summer, trying to unlock the mystery of Kliff Kingsbury.

It’s still July, though, which means that something like the back third of the episode is given over to Drew and me talking about whether Guns N’ Roses holds up and both how earnest Metallica was even in their heyday and my particular experience of hearing Kill Em All on a CD boombox, in a post office, just one week ago. When there are more sports, we will talk more about sports. For now, this is what we’ve got: hot weather and digressions, antique metal and our gentle and vanished youths spent passing outlaw cassettes to our similarly dorky friends, and the question of just how much Donald Trump does or more likely does not know about cats. In short, we’re back.

You can also listen at iHeart Radio, Stitcher, Spotify, NPR One, Apple Podcasts, or GooglePlay. And don’t forget to email us tips and/or general complaints at deadcast@deadspin.com. Have fun out there.

David Roth is an editor at Deadspin.