Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled Florida Just Floridad To Reopen Gyms
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You’re probably feeling a little pent up these days. And maybe running isn’t for you. Which is fine, because running sucks. It’s boring, it ruins your knees, and it’s hard, and you don’t even get to score a goal or slide into second at the end of it. And then you say that to someone who runs and they have to tell you about getting to a “runner’s high,” and then you tell them you’d rather just get high in that case and the wheel spins all around again. Except now you can’t throw empty beer cans at them, at least if you’re being responsible. You need something with a little variety. Something with breaks built in, maybe.

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You have brethren in Florida, whether you wanted to know that or not (you didn’t). But instead of just using one of the many free options on the internet to provide workouts at home (Orange Theory on YouTube or the NIke Training Complex to name two) these brave souls decided to strive for getting gyms reopened. That’s right, places where everyone is breathing heavy in an indoor space and sweating on everything is essential to these people. Can’t live without em. How did these plucky freedom-defenders show the officials in Florida why gyms need to be open so badly? By proving why gyms don’t need to be open.

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Nothing like decrying that your freedoms have been taken away by demonstrating how exactly none of them have been. Doing overhead squats while holding up mini-American flags is very John Cena, you have to admit. Reports have suggested the protesters arose from their squats and pushups breathing hard and sweaty...which is what they were seeking to do, we think. Neither Principal Skinner nor Superintendent Chalmers were available for comment.

Take it away, Bugs…

Notice also how Bugs would be getting quite the burn in is triceps and shoulders without being in a gym, either.

Have you ever looked at a dollar bill, man?

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