Football Page 1322 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Tim Tebow's Jersey Sales Are Down Because They're "All Out Of Size Sexy"
The Messiah Watch is officially on alert: Last week we learned that Tim Tebow's Broncos jersey—once record-setting—is only the tenth most popular in the NFL. This bright Denver man suggests that retailers must be "all out of size sexy"; another non-believer in KDVR's segment suggests it's because ...

Former Browns RB Arrested For Allegedly Driving His Car 147 Miles Per Hour
"Chris Jennings, who played in nine games for the Browns during the 2009 season and started a game at running back against Cincinnati that year, was taken into custody at 8:49 a.m. on September 4. A state trooper with the Cambridge Post of the Ohio State Highway Patrol caught Jennings' 2004 BMW tra...

Roger Goodell Enforces The Laws That Roger Goodell Came Up With Just Now
Jim Tressel followed in the footsteps of his protégé Terrelle Pryor by jumping to the NFL, and he's going to suffer silently on the sidelines along with him. Yesterday the Colts announced Tressel will sit out the first six weeks, a penalty that was self-imposed because the Commissioner's office was ...

A Reminder: Rick Reilly Promised To Eat Things Stuck In Your Carpet If Peyton Manning Didn't Start Game 1
Rick Reilly, Aug. 30: "Peyton Manning will keep his streak alive. If you think he's going to miss a start because of a neck problem, you've been chugging paint thinner. This guy hasn't missed a start since 1994 at Tennessee. Do you know how long ago it was when Manning didn't start for the Colts? Go...

ESPN's Fantasy Guru Thinks "Rapelisberger" Is Worth Having As Your QB
A reader named John helpfully screen-grabbed this tweet from ESPN fantasy expert Eric Karabell, which John said had appeared on the ESPN fantasy football page for a bit last night, at least until Karabell saw fit to delete it. Granted, Karabell was just answering a question about going with Vick or ...

Maryland's Play-Calling Last Night Was Even More Unsightly Than Its Uniforms
Your morning roundup for Sept. 6, the day heroin mills went corporate. Photo courtesy of Mocksession. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Rob Ryan On Rex's Foot Fetish: "Naw, I Mean Hell, He Is A Little Freaky I Guess"
You may have read about the possible foot-fetish-filmin' proclivities of New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan. He likes feet, Deadspin told you last December, and then Wes Welker joked about it while Ryan wouldn't talk about it....

Catholics, Conservatives Call For Brian Kelly's Job; Not Because He Lost, But Because He Cursed
Here is what we presume was Brian Kelly's internal monologue during Notre Dame's loss on Saturday:...

Jim Tressel Embarrasses Roger Goodell By Self-Imposing Goodell's Stupid Idea Of Justice
Has there ever been a string of punishments/non-punishments more baffling than Roger Goodell's recent run? Lacking a clear directive but wielding the personal-conduct policy like Zeus's discriminate lightning bolts, no one plays unless the Commish decides he's "ready," and the Commish doesn't have t...

Peyton Manning Will Likely Miss His First Career Start On Sunday
...And probably many more: "As a result of the most recent development the doctors have decided that Peyton will not practice. His participation therefore, in Sunday's game versus Houston will likely be doubtful... As was stated at the outset, it serves no useful purpose to speculate about hypotheti...

One T-Shirt Stood Out In The West Virginia Crowd
In West Virginia, the Mountaneers/Herd matchup is a big fuckin game. At last check, WVU was down to Marshall 7 to fuckin 3. (H/T Nine tipsters within eight minutes)...

Your College Football Night Games Open Thread
Nine Top 25 teams play tonight, including a pair of Top 20 matchups....

A Southern Gentleman Expresses His Feelings Toward BYU With A Single Finger
An estimated 1,000 BYU fans made their way to Mississippi for a college-football game today. BYU vs. Ole Miss, to be precise. And with what do they have to deal? Fingered profanity, that's what....

Weather Forces Evacuation Of Notre Dame Stadium
When the Notre Dame Fighting Irish retreated to the locker room at halftime, they were down 16-0 to Lou Holtz's kid's team. While Coach Brian Kelly was discussing their "performance" in the first half against South Florida, the stadium seating areas were evacuated on account of foul weather....

Here's The Memorable Part Of Auburn's Otherwise Forgettable Fourth Quarter Against Utah State Today
The first game in Auburn's Post-Cam Newton Era (also known as the Barrett Trotter Era, according to the game announcers) did not go as expected—unless you expected Auburn to require a last-minute comeback to avoid a 10-point loss to unranked Utah State. Here's the onside kick and the ensuing drive...

Your College Football Afternoon Games Open Thread
Skip Holtz will try to beat the team Daddy Lou used to coach! How awesome is that?! So awesome that it's a network game! Oh, pretty much every Notre Dame game is on NBC, you say? Of course it is. Because that's how it was foretold....

Watch An All-Male Dance Troupe Take The Field At Halftime Of The Saints/Titans Game
When it came to the Saints getting throttled by the Titans in the final preseason game of the year the other night, here's what one guy wrote:...

Your College Football Early Games Open Thread
It's the first big college-football Saturday of the season. Yay. No. 18 Ohio State, which lost its The in a haze of Tresselmanic scandal, plays Akron at noon (ESPN). Also at noon on the WWL, No. 23 Auburn hosts Utah State (2) and Northwestern visits Boston College (U)....

On Behalf Of Broncos Fans, The Denver-Area Real Estate Market Exacts Revenge On A Former Coach
"McDaniels just sold his 5,685 sqft Greenwood Village mansion for $1.95 mil ... HORRIBLE for Josh considering he bought the place for $2.5 mil back in 2009 just after he reportedly signed a 4-year, $8 mil contract with the Broncos." [TMZ: Photo H/T BroncosTalk]...

We're Sick Of Joe Theismann All Over Again
It's difficult not to pity Redskins fans, who, in addition to being Redskins fans, have to hear Joe Theismann talk about preseason football during preseason television broadcasts. And last night, just after Brandon Banks ended an otherwise splendid punt return by flipping the ball out of his hand ...