Football Page 1491 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Houston, We Have A Compound Fracture
As someone old enough to remember seeing "The Theisman Incident" on live TV, I like to consider myself an aficionado of horrifying bone-melting leg injuries. If you were watching the gridiron donnybrook between Houston and Marshall last night—and really, why would you be?—you witnessed one that will...
The Machines Shall Rise, And All Will Fall
All right, so the world is imploding. You know this. I know this too, though only because the Wassup Guys told me. Surely, these are the last days, before the global apocalypse rids the planet of humans and leaves only some cockroaches, a few stray strands of hair and, of course, Kermit, because Ke...
Gregg Doyel Is A Rather Disagreeable Little Fellow
When a national columnist is a guest on your radio show and he proceeds to call the local college quarterback a prostitute, and his his former coach a pimp, then you've got two things, my friend: Ratings gold, and a genuine douchebag. Welcome back to our stage, ladies and gentlemen, Gregg Doyel, who...
Not Just Another Pretty Face
Hooo boy. The reporter here — I'm pretty sure — is Danyelle Sargent of Fox, making the Gaffe of the Season so far. And what makes this more sad/amusing is the fact that Sargent was involved in a controversy while at ESPN in 2006 when, thinking her mic was dead, blurted "What the fuck was that?" w...
The Criminal Element In Canadian College Football
Canadians have a sordid reputation for being exceedingly polite, but they want to remind everyone that they can hurt your feelings with a cutting barb or scathing observation too. Of course, even Canucks who are on the other end of those vicious attacks can fight back like a Momma Palin bear on her ...
College Football Roundup: Crazy Chick In Your Team's Hoodie Edition
This was the week, if there ever was a week, where you look down the BCS barrel and see all sorts of moral dilemmas coming your way. There may very well be three undefeated teams. Right now Penn State would be screwed in this equation. (Although I still think Alabama will lose to whoever wins the S...
The Horrible Revenge Of Dr. Gopher
Well, this is pretty much every nightmare I had from ages 15 to 23 ... make of that what you will. But further one might ask, how does a giant, costumed rodent chasing students on a college campus with a syringe not make it on Nightline, or at least the local evening news? It's when the assailant is...
Mike Singletary Will Surely Kill Someone Before The Year Is Out
The forecast for the San Francisco 49ers season changed dramatically on Sunday from dismal to dangerous; like the difference between a cold, monotonous drizzle and a lightening storm in the mountains. And we can thank Mike Singletary for that. Not only did the 49ers' new interim coach pull a player ...
Fat, Drunk And Stupid Is No Way To Go Through West Virginia, Son
When you're so drunk and obnoxious that you're heckled by your fellow West Virginia fans, you know it's time for an intervention. Meet someone whom I assume is named Larry ... or possibly Rodney. But first please turn down the volume if you're at work, unless you want your co-workers to start chanti...
Happy Valley, Bloody Sunday Morning
How long must we sing this DUAN? College football team has unusual amount of success; college students and townies with a taste for danger stumble into the streets; police break out the riot juice; hilarity ensues. Welcome back to the club, Penn State! Your celebration after last night's defeat of O...
Why Can't NFL Fans Celebrate Like That?
To my knowledge there haven't been any delightful female-on-female celebrations in the stands at today's NFL games, but as we all know the real action takes place in the Carolina bathrooms. Fortunately the games themselves have produced their own entertainment, unlike your average Big 10 game. New ...
President Condi Possible This January in San Francisco?
Condoleezza Rice, National Security Adviser to President Bush Secretary of Flippin' State (and we're rather embarrassed about THAT), has been fishing for an NFL job post-Executive Branch for awhile. She's quoted in 2002 trolling for the NFL Commissioner position (only to be beaten out by Guantanamo ...
NFL Update 4: Welcome To My Nightmare
There's really no good reason to run this photo, especially in relation to any NFL Update post. But when something like this lands in your inbox, forcing you to spend the next hour washing your eyes out with lava soap, even though you know it's never going to escape from where it has burrowed on th...
NFL Update 3: Like A Kid Out There
Like a stupid child, Brett Favre just couldn't stop throwing the football to the other team today, giving away 3 interceptions (one of them as bad of a pick you'll ever see) against a Chiefs team that isn't - how would one put this? - very good. And that was before they lost their starting RB for s...
NFL Update 2: Who Is The Eighth?
Looks like we got a few more names on WaterPillGate. Jay Glazer is reporting that the two Minnesota Williamses - Pat and Kevin - both tested positive for whatever it is people are testing positive for these days. That'll put a decent-sized hole in their defensive line. Glazer also says Falcons defen...
NFL Update 1: Blackout!
Let's get you folks up to speed, our friends in Detroit who have taken a noble stand by refusing to pay big bucks to watch a horrible football team. Unfortunately, this little bit of protest has forced them to deal with the dreaded NFL blackout. We're here for you, D-Town. Washington 3, Detroit 10....
College Football Recap: Giggity, Giggity!
Were there a whole lot of football games being played by college students yesterday or what? Let's recap all of the Top 25 games - you can look up the rest on your own - trying to only use about sentence or so for each one because baseball will not let anyone sleep! (1) Texas vs. (6) Oklahoma State...
NFL Voids Jim Haslett's Contract
Well, this is certainly some unexpected news. Jim Haslett, the hot-headed interim coach of the Rams who signed a contract with the team guaranteeing they remove the "interim" label next year if he wins 6 games, was just informed by the league that the contract no longer exists! Because they tore th...
Fog Slowly Lifting On NFL Steroid Scandal
Remember how yesterday it was reported that a whole bunch of Saints, including Deuce McAllister, tested positive for steroids, or steroid masking agents, or something else equally illegal? Well, the man on the scene Chris(t) Mortensen has learned himself a few names to go along with those allegatio...
Tony Zendejas Will Knock You Out, Take That Booty
If you're like me and start your morning off by going through court proceedings of sexual abuse cases - don't you dare judge me! - you tend to become desensitized by most of the testimonies regarding these brutal escapades. But when you read something like "the largest anal tear the medical examiner...