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Seven Articles Of Faith As Regards Tim Tebow
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....

SprtsCntr: Jesus Can't Save Tim Tebow From Merril Hoge
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Djokovic-Federer Had Nothing On Christ-Satan, Says Writer Who Is Not Joking
"The match between Djokovic and Federer in New York was quite a spectacle, but it was nothing compared to Christ's victory over sin and death and Satan. 'And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.' (Colossians 2:15) Memo to ...

What The Hell Did Crazy Dennis Rodman Say In The Bleeped-Out Portion Of This Interview That So Terrified The Interviewer?
Dennis Rodman was on Yahoo's In Depth with Graham Bensinger recently to touch on a few issues. Issues like, how is he still alive at 50 years old? (No one knows.) Is he still batshit? (Yes, definitely.) And is he still partying his giant nose ring off? (See below.)...

Jurgen Klinsmann: America's Newest Soccer Jesus
Jurgen Klinsmann was introduced to the media this week as the new coach of the U.S. men's soccer team, a development in the making ever since the U.S. Soccer Federation batted eyelashes at Klinsmann before the 2006 World Cup. The coach spurned the USSF then, and instead led Germany to a third-place...

Bryce Harper Performs The Miracle Of Turning A Bunt Into A Single
The Chosen One made his Sally League debut yesterday in Rome, Ga. He had a couple singles but was denied two times. [WaPo, SweetSpot]...

Here's Tim Tebow's New Jockey Ad, Kind Of
With apologies to King Herod, we've provided a slight edit to possible NFL starter and definite advertising boon Tim Tebow's brand new Jockey ad. The company released this spot today, and it is somehow even more reverential and vanilla than we ever could have imagined it to be. When Tim Tebow is m...

Jesus's Stat Line, Courtesy Ron Artest
"No ejections. He was 10 for 10s, a lot of 20 for 20s [in shooting]. Perfect from the free-throw line. Infinity rebounding stats." Sometimes questioned his coach's decisions, though. [The Score]...

10 Extremely Biblical-Looking Footballers
Of course, most of the nation will spend the weekend embroiled in sprouts, drinking heavily, and most definitely not sitting down to rewatch Mel Gibson's incredibly inaccurate and rather over-the-top remake of The Life of Brian....

Last Night's Winner: The Brett Favre Miracle
The following comprises actual phrases from actual stories written about a quarterback who last night performed the miracle of transfiguring his old ass off the injured list. These are taken verbatim....

Commenter Account Still F'd? [email protected]
I know many of you are still unable to comment due to all the problems from the security breach. If these Lifehacker posts are unhelpful, your best bet is [email protected]. Keep up the resets at your leisure....

Jesus Walks Like A Cowboy: Manny Pacquiao Does Dallas
ARLINGTON, Texas —When Jesus returns, he will surely return to the 50-yard line of Cowboys Stadium, descending bodily on the fog-machine-assisted sun rays streaming through the windows just above the mighty Ford logo, but below the American flag....
