Football Page 1607 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Never, Ever Bet On The Texans
In the wake of last week's free-furniture-if-the-Bears-shut-out-the-Packers promotion in Chicago, the folks at Gallery Furniture, the huge Texas furniture place that even hosts a bowl game from time to time, has decided to push all its chips to the middle of the table, 10-gallon hat style....
Taking One ... "Yeoooowwww, Kelly Clarkson!" ... For the Team
What with the price of gas and all, there apparently isn't a lot to do over at the Basney Honda in South Bend, Ind. So co-workers told Jason Gordon that they would chip in and get him two tickets to the Notre Dame-Michigan game, and all Gordon had to do to earn them was get a full body wax. Irish fa...
If They Take Away Reggie Bush's Heisman, Did It Really Happen?
Like a lot of people, we're sure, when we initially saw Yahoo! Sports' report — you know, typing the "!" after "Yahoo" must feel a little silly when you're trying to report a serious story — about Reggie Bush allegedly receiving improper gifts from agents when he was at USC, we thought, "Jeez, they'...
Imagine What They'll Call It When They Actually Use It
Far be it from us to pretend to be experts in branding, but this new marketing gimmick for the Cleveland Browns, obviously a "riff" (and "riff" is being generous) on the Steelers' Terrible Towel, is actually called The Dirty Brown Towel....
OK, We Get Dibs On The Vikings
For those who find the pace of Madden '07 a little too frantic, here's some good — that is to say, fake — news. Introducing Madden Bye-Week '07, in which you control your various NFL players' off-the-field activities during their team's bye week. We're still waiting for our copy, but the "reviewer" ...
Return To Irreverence!
We knew the Oakland Raiders were going to be a source of consistent amusement throughout this season, through ineptitude, disorganization or simple befuddlement, but we didn't quite expect it to happen so soon....
No Better Reason To Get In A Bar Fight Than This One
This pasty fellow, described by Every Day Should Be Saturday as "so aggressively white that bleach is afraid of him," is South Carolina quarterback Blake Mitchell, who was arrested after a bar fight early Wednesday morning....
Unfortunately, It Appears Emmitt's Going To Be On This Show For A While
Last night, Emmitt Smith continued his inevitable decline into post-athlete career depression by "shining" on "Dancing With The Stars," impressing the judges with his ... aw, jeez, we can't even type this without feeling bad about ourselves and everything about sports....
It's Like Tonya Harding, But Less Manly
It must be frustrating to be a backup punter. Most football players don't even consider the starting punter a real part of the team; the backup punter might as well be the waterboy. It must cause all kinds of anger and frustration, but you're a punter, so you can't express it. Lots of repressed rage...
Chad Johnson Is A Chicken Dance Maestro
As many have pointed out before, the vast majority of hardcore NFL fans have never attended an actual game in person. Factors include the rarity of games, the high ticket expense and the fear that someone in a dog mask will steal your wheelchair....
Everybody Needs Some Tailgating Backup
We know those who use wheelchairs are capable of doing just about anything that those who can stand and walk can do; we suspect some of you are doing that very thing right now. Unless you're trying to get to the upper deck of RFK Stadium, nothing should stand in your way as a sports fan....
Failure To Launch
In these troubled times in which we live, we believe that it's good to feed the soul occasionally with some inspiring words from a true American. Such a man is Texas Longhorns fan and sometimes actor Matthew McConaughey. Let us never forget his fiery speech from last week, leading up to the Texas-Oh...
Hey, Let's Play Two Every Monday!
While we acknowledge that the "Monday Night Football" crew might still have some bugs to iron out, as evidenced by this inventive description of new Vikings offensive lineman Steve Hutchinson, on the whole, it was a pretty smooth night of football, considering it went for almost seven hours....
Kornheiser, You're Being Glib
We mean no offense to Redskins fans, but when your owner is hosting Tom Cruise in his luxury box — when he's staying at your owner's house — we kind of think that maybe you deserve to lose....
Monday Night And Tuesday Morning Football
You know, we watched football all day yesterday, and it absolutely wore us out. As great as it is, that's a lot of football. But imagine that actually starting at night....
When Male Cheerleaders Attack
We'd like to congratulate THE Ohio State University for their convincing victory over Texas on Saturday night. We are also pleased that the Buckeyes waited until 2006 to beat the Longhorns, rather than 2005; last year's game was in Columbus, this one was in Austin and that meant all fires and riot...
Perhaps Fergie Can Return Punts
They opened up the Pink Taco yesterday ... and the Black Eyed Peas welcomed a new member....
Mess With The Catman, Get The Claws
If we've said it once, we've said it a million times; when football broadcasters are allowed to attempt humor — especially at Fox Sports — it's all of us who suffer. Coming out OK in the end, though, was Carolina superfan Greg Good, known to all as Catman. Let's wrap up the details for you once ag...
Fortunately, It Was To A National Powerhouse Like Rutgers
The last time we were able to watch our beloved alma mater play in the New York City metropolitian area, it was the Coaches Vs. Cancer Jimmy V Classic at Madison Square Garden. The Illini lost by 20 to Providence and Ryan Gomes. We thought it couldn't get any worse....
NFL Roundup: Mangini's Workout Regimen
Muses and ruminations after Week 1 of the NFL ......