Football Page 747 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Army Idiots Pranked Air Force By Jamming Their Live Mascots Into Crates

Before last Saturday’s Air Force-Army college football game, two dopey West Point cadets decided to prank their rivals by stealing their live mascots, which are falcons. Not knowing how to take care of an animal, these Army morons crammed the two birds into crates. It’s so unlike the military to use...

Kevin Byard Did T.O. Proud With His Celebration On The Cowboys' Star

Millennials live in a golden age of nostalgia. After our entire conscious lifetimes were spent standing idly by as boomers were pandered to with things from their childhood, finally it is our turn to be pandered to! The music we liked is sampled and aped. The fashion is back in. Entire media conglo...

Titans Trouble My Brain With Amazing Sleight Of Hand Touchdown

The Titans scored an uncommonly slick and cool touchdown in the third quarter of Monday night’s game against the Cowboys. On second and two from the Cowboys seven-yard line, Marcus Mariota took a shotgun snap and handed it to Dion Lewis, who was immediately slammed to the turf by DeMarcus Lawrence f...

Lions Loss Leaves Kelly Stafford Defending Her Husband And Matt Patricia Struggling For Answers

The Detroit Lions are not the worst team in the NFL. Their 3-5 record has them out of the playoff picture but also out of the league’s subbasement. Their point differential, while not very good at -30, is a mere fifth-worst in the NFC, and it’s far more respectable than Buffalo’s -145 or Oakland’s -...

Someone Left A Poo At The Bills Game [Update]

The turd was there before the Bills game even started. “This sums up the season pretty well,” says Tim, the Buffalo fan who sent us this photo. Tim says he got to his seats about a half-hour before kickoff, only to discover a piece of shit in the row in front of him....

Bart Scott Rips Todd Bowles As Jets Combust

Nothing sours a locker room like a stout defense coming to resent the offense for being unable to score. It happened in Seattle, it happened in Jacksonville, and it is happening on the Jets. Following an unwatchable 13-6 loss to the Dolphins, left tackle Kelvin Beachum, unprompted, kicked off his po...

At Least Nathan Peterman Led The Bills In Rushing? 

You’d better be prepared for the Nathan Peterman Experience, because if you’re not he’s going to run your ass over. ...

Michael Thomas’s Cell Phone Celebration Was Cool, No Matter What The Announcers Said

It was a great game. The Saints scored 35 first-half points, with Drew Brees throwing for three scores. Jared Goff led the Rams all the way back from a 21-point deficit to tie things up in the fourth. Then, late in the fourth quarter, the Saints had the ball in their own territory leading by just th...

Michael Thomas Pays Homage To Joe Horn With Flip Phone Touchdown Celebration

Michael Thomas caught a 72-yard touchdown to give the Saints a double-digit lead with under four minutes to play against the undefeated Los Angeles Rams. But things got better for New Orleans: Thomas celebrated the touchdown by recreating the Joe Horn touchdown cell phone celebration from 2003. A to...

This Malcolm Brown Touchdown Catch Is An Unreal Feat Of Body Control

This twinkle-toed touchdown reception by Rams running back Malcolm Brown, in which he somehow manages to dodge two onrushing Saints defenders and keep his feet inbounds despite having to do it all with just a sliver of grass between him, them, and the sideline, is just incredible....

Seahawks Continue To Be This Season's Celebration Kings

The Seahawks have already shown that they’re more than capable of pulling off some impressive touchdown celebrations, but they decided to step up the choreography for this week. After Russell Wilson connected with Jaron Brown on a 10-yard touchdown pass in the back of the end zone, the team’s receiv...

The Vikings Defense Ate Matthew Stafford Alive

After starting the season with wins against Tom Brady and Aaron Rodgers, the Lions have gone from a team that had dark horse potential to one that is definitively ass. This afternoon, the Vikings took advantage....

Julio Jones Finally Scored A Goddamn Touchdown

It took over seven games, 59 receptions and 898 yards but Julio Jones finally scored his first touchdown of the season. Matt Ryan connected with his star receiver on a 3rd-and-two screen pass at Washington’s 35-yard line. The recently-traded HaHa Clinton-Dix almost forced Jones to fall before crossi...

Curtis Samuel Turns The Buccaneers' Defense Into Swiss Cheese

On a 1st-and-10 at the Buccaneers 33-yard line, the Panthers dialed up a double-reverse for second-year receiver Curtis Samuel, who proceeded to embarrass the hell out of nearly every single player on Tampa Bay’s defense for a touchdown....

Nice?

When Will Grier's On Fire, Your Defense Should Be Terrified

It’s never the wisest decision to put a quarterback who was once a Heisman favorite this season in position to beat you with his arm. But that’s exactly where the Longhorns placed Mountaineer QB Will Grier on Saturday, and they paid the price in excruciating fashion....

Jets And Dolphins Will Play On The Same Mud Pit Duke And Miami Mucked About In Yesterday

A combination of heavy rain and dozens of large, cleated football players stomping around on it for a couple hours meant yesterday’s Duke-Miami game, played for some reason in the Dolphins’ stadium, took place on top of a surface that looked more like a swamp than a football field. Which is bad news...

ESPN Apologizes To SEC Commissioner For James Carville Spouting Alabama Conspiracy Theories 

ESPN issued an on-air apology to SEC commissioner Greg Sankey for comments that political analyst James Carville made during his appearance on College Gameday about the conference being inherently biased towards No. 1 Alabama....

Nebraska Kickoff Attempt Goes Hilariously Awry

Nebraska got off to a surprise start against No. 8 Ohio State on Saturday, striking first off a 12-play drive of 75 yards to take an early 7-0 lead. The Cornhuskers followed this up by immediately giving all of their momentum back to the Buckeyes with this failed attempt at a kickoff....

It's Come To This For The Buffalo Bills

This quarterback update on the Bills is sadder and more revealing than it’s meant to be:...