At Least Nathan Peterman Led The Bills In Rushing? 

You’d better be prepared for the Nathan Peterman Experience, because if you’re not he’s going to run your ass over.

It was a banner day for the Bills signal-caller, who put up a game specifically for all the haters out there who’ve said things like he’s not very good and he’s the worst quarterback in NFL history and why is Fox showing me this game when Bucs-Panthers looks like a shootout? and Jesus Christ, Peterman’s starting again? and I wish for the sweet release of death.

Peterman led the Bills with 46 yards on eight carries. He led both teams with a robust 5.8 YPC. He had the game’s longest run, a 24-yard scramble at the end of the first half (when he needed to throw for the end zone because the clock had expired, but shhh, we’re being positive). He was the only Bill to find the end zone, scoring on a QB keeper to cut the deficit to 25 with six minutes remaining. There is no video of that touchdown because THEY DON’T WANT HIM TO BE GREAT.

It was Buffalo’s first touchdown in 38 offensive possessions, and the only rushing touchdown scored against Chicago this year, because Nathan Peterman just gets the job done. Led by the resurgent Peterman, the Bills ... lost to the Bears 41-9. But the scoreboard isn’t everything, you know? Sometimes you have to play for pride. And for the confidence of your head coach:

Nathan Peterman’s mom, you should probably close out of this blog now.

For the rest of you: Buffalo lost, badly, again, and Peterman was really bad, again. Peterman threw three interceptions, and in the grimmest NFL statistic I may have ever seen, the three-pick game actually lowered his career interception percentage, from 11.1 to 9.2.

The kindest thing you can say about Peterman’s afternoon is that the first two picks weren’t entirely his fault. Sure, both balls were off target, but at least they hit his receivers’ hands before ending up in the Bears’. (For the record, the unkindest thing you can say is this timeless game recap from the Buffalo News: “Nathan Peterman was at quarterback, so that produced the usual disasters that tend to occur after the ball leaves his hand.”)

Peterman now has the same number of career touchdown passes as pick-sixes, three of each.

“I definitely feel like I’m improving,” Peterman said after racking up career highs in both yards and completions. (Peterman’s 189 passing yards were the fewest in NFL history for any QB completing at least 30 passes.) And it is true, every Peterman start leads the Bills one week closer to a high draft pick.

It is perhaps not ideal for a pro football team in 2018 to be holding out hope for Derek Anderson to get healthy, and it’s definitely frustrating for any former Bills QBs who were run out of Buffalo for performing much, much better than Peterman ever has. Like, say, E.J. Manuel:

Manuel later deleted his Instagram story, probably because it was inaccurate— Peterman has only had one four-plus-interception game, thank you very much.

Next week the Bills take on the Jets and Sam Darnold, who had four picks in a depressing 13-6 loss to Miami. (Darnold wishes he had a Sunday stat line like Peterman’s.) Maybe Josh Allen will be back by then. Maybe Derek Anderson will be healthy. Maybe it’ll be the recently signed Matt Barkley’s turn in the barrel. The point is, treasure every Nate Peterman appearance, because you never know if it’ll be the last.