NFL Page 1207 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Washington Redskins Will Sue Your Grandmother Into Bankruptcy
A recent Washington Post story mentioned that the Redskins have been suing season ticket holders who backed out of their onerous seat contracts. Apparently that story wasn't sad enough, so here's a picture of a crying grandma Daniel Snyder bankrupted....
QB Proves You Don’t Have To Be Literate To Make The 49ers
Nate Davis may not be able to deconstruct the early work of Tolstoy, but no matter: he's excellent at throwing footballs-at least good enough to make the 49ers over Damon Huard....
Jeff Jagodzinski Has Not Had A Good Year
Tampa Bay has not even seen their new offense in real-time competition yet, but they have apparently seen enough to know that it stinks. They fired coordinator Jeff Jagodzinski today, just one week before Opening Day....
Media Takeout Is Very Complimentary Towards Deion Sanders' Wife. I Think.
"DIZZZZZZZAYUMMMM!!! CHECK OUT DEION SANDERS' WIFE PILAR ... HER BODY IS BAZONKERS!!!" [MediaTakeout]...
Saints Player Who Parked In Handicapped Spot Now Pariah To Many Fans
Safety Usama Young parked in a handicapped zone was ticketed, charged, and released. Yet, some fans will never forgive him for those few seconds he left his car idling in the blue area in front of the AT &T store....
Smokin' Jay: Cutler Sure Does Clean Up Nicely
Judging by this month's Michigan Avenue Magazine, the new Bears quarterback wants to mount a serious challenge to Matt Ryan as the best-looking ball-slinger in the NFL. What else is he saying with these hot new looks?...
Tony Romo Unsheaths His Sword For Another Blonde Creature
Candice Crawford is the name of the woman who will inevitably serve as a scapegoat for the Cowboys' inconsistent offense this year. [NYDN]...
Winnipeg Stockpiling Malcontents
Charles Rogers, the original Matt Millen WR bust, will be joining Pac Man in Winnipeg. Since his 2005 release, Rogers has been battling drug addition to return to football. He reportedly still owes the Lions $8.5 Million[PFT]...
Redskins Cut Out Middle Man, Sell Directly To Scalpers
Did I say "scalpers"? That's so politically incorrect! I meant that "brokers" are the ones allowed to buy blocks of tickets from that team with a racial slur nickname, instead of the fans on their notoriously long waiting list....
Thomas Howard Likes To Feel Pretty Every Now And Then
"Just finished getting a pedicure. Its been a while since I've had one. It was relaxing for a while there, I even dozed off for a minute." [Twitter via reader Tom]...
Brett Favre's Just A Kid Out There Who Wants To End Your Career
As noted earlier, Brett Favre launched himself in the direction of Eugene Wilson's cruciate ligaments last night — an undeniable prick move that surely no one would chalk up to Favre's oft-cited youthful exuberance. Right?...
No One In Jacksonville Will Be Forced To Watch The Jaguars
Twelve NFL teams could be affected by blackout rules this year—only three teams had blackouts last season—including Jacksonville, where local television may end up broadcasting zero home games. It's still better than living in Tallahassee. [SBJ]...
Matt Ryan Is A Handsome Man, Science Proves
The screeching teenyboppers at the Wall Street Journal bring word that Matt Ryan is the most knee-meltingly dreamy quarterback in the NFL. It's true because science says so. And believe it or not, this actually sort of matters....
Thomas Jones Had Some Festive Birthday Party Entertainment
You should see these ladies make balloon animals. It's a sight to behold. [JerseyChaser]...
NFL Preemptively Stops First Twitter Touchdown Celebration
As expected, the NFL has laid down a formal law banning the use of Twitter during games, providing fans with at least one safe haven in the ongoing war to see who can be the league's most obnoxious player....
They're Not Saying "Boo!" They're Saying "I Hope You Die In A House Fire, You Pansy"
Jay Cutler returned to Denver last night for the first time since his temper tantrum-induced trade and did moderately well for a first half. A Neckbeard-less Kyle Orton also suffered a sewing injury on his index finger. [DenverPost]...
Tom Brady's Throwing Shoulder Will Be Fine, Says Source Within Lying-Ass Organization
This was the shoulder on which Albert Haynesworth was briefly docked Friday. "There is no need for hysteria," says a source close to the tactically dishonest Patriots, who will now list Brady as "probable (shoulder)" for all eternity. [Boston Globe]...
The Summer Of Our Discontent
Pretty soon, this will all be over. No more loping around idly on Saturdays and Sundays. No more wandering outside and soaking in the sun. No more posts about the Tomatina. It's almost football season!...
The Cowboys Scoreboard Punter Drinking Game
You don't need a reason to drink this weekend, but you may need a reason to watch a 49ers-Cowboys preseason game that doesn't include "it was the only thing the sheriff would let me watch from the holding cell."...
Brandon Marshall: Kind Of A Crybaby
Denver probably thought all their troubles were gone when they shipped Jay Cutler out of town, but now they've got an even bigger problem child on their hands in Brandon Marshall. The operative word being "child."...