NFL Page 1264 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Sunday Night Is Live Blog Night: Cowboys-Redskins
Hey, Tony Romo is back from his injury! Jerry Jones guaranteed playoffs! And I'm sure there's a compelling story line on the Washington Redskins sideline! But there's no non-jump way to find out. True story. * * * * * Pre-Game Babble Which over-dramatized headline is worse for America: "What's Wrong...
Will Matt Cassel Fetch $10 Million A Year?
Patriots quarterback Matt Cassel, or as we refer to the long-time understudy in my keeper league, "Goddamn Matt Cassel," couldn't have orchestrated a better time for Ton Brady to get injured, as Cassel's contract expires at the end of this season. Rumor has it that Cassel will be seeking "Aaron Rodg...
NFL Update 4: Finishing Your Sunday Drive
San Francisco 35, St. Louis 3. The Rams are done. No, their season isn't technically over, but they've stopped playing. I swore I saw Steven Jackson sitting in the endzone during pregame with a picnic basket. Shaun Hill has thrown for 2 TDs and run for another. Jacksonville 14, Tennessee 3. Could t...
NFL Update 3: Call My Sister, Tell Her To Wear Something Nice
Cincinnati 13, Philadelphia 13, Final (OT). Shayne Graham missed a last minute field goal on great field position from a bogus pass-interference call late in OT. McNabb's three picks kept the Bengals in this one. It's the first tie in the NFL since 2002. Tampa Bay 19, Minnesota 13, Final. Matt Bryan...
NFL Update 2: Being Able To Predict The Lions Futility Does Not Make One Nostradamus
Lions 16, Panthers 24 Haha. Told you. Five minutes after posting the last NFL update that had the Lions up 13-7, the Panthers suddenly realized who their opponent was and decided to actually play a little football. By the way, DeAngelo Williams looks kind of like a stud all of a sudden. Let's bring ...
NFL Update 1: Drinkability!
Yes, the ads have become relentless in a Toyota "Saved by Zero" kind of way, and as Big Daddy Drew has already pointed out they don't really mean anything at all, but isn't it time for us to finally give Drinkability Girl her due? I don't know who she is, and I don't care, but if Bud Light's master...
Start Your Preparations For The Vick Media Onslaught
The most surprising news to come out of this Tim Dahlberg-penned update on the ongoing drama that is The Michael Vick Story is that he's scheduled to get out of jail next July. That's only 8 months away, people! Better start dusting off those old Ron Mexico jokes, post haste. You can't expect to hit...
NFL Week 11: What You Need To Know
Denver (5-4) at Atlanta (6-3). I wonder if Roger Goodell is still upset about Matt Ryan's 6-year, 72-million-dollar contract that the rookie from Boston College signed after being drafted third overall last April. Ryan has to be the frontrunner for Rookie of the Year honors, assuming the reins of an...
The Promising Backups That Paved the Way for Matt Cassel's Padded Bank Account
Continuing with our economic theme today, the market outlook seems awfully bullish for New England Patriots backup turned starter Matt Cassel. After his big time coming out party on Thursday night, in which Bill Simmons drunkenly compared him to John Elway, Cassel looks to have set himself up for qu...
The Packers Are One Step Closer to that Second Round Draft Pick
Last night's ridiculous Jets-Patriots battle in Foxborough turned out to be everything a football fan could hope for , with the requisite Favreian/Spygate intrigue thrown in for good measure. But even though Favre ended up on the winning end of things and played a mistake-free, efficient game, it wa...
Alright You Lowlifes, The Boy From Eastern Illinois Is Back
Just a handful of moments after announcing that Tony Romo would return to action this week, Jerry Jones puffed himself up and guaranteed that the Cowboys would make the playoffs. I believe the term he used is that they would "absolutely" be there. Also, Jones said that he would welcome back Pacman J...
Taste The Goodness Of Vicktory Dogs Wine
When I think of fine wine, I also think of dogs — who doesn't? Throw in Michael Vick, and you have an amusing little wine with a full-bodied locker room bouquet and just a hint of flea powder. Welcome to Carivintas Winery, a Southern California company which markets Vicktory Dogs Wine; 22 varieties ...
Welcome To The House Of Chads
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject : Morning crap Why do I get the feeling that this isn't the only room in Chad Johnson's home that is full of giant portraits of himself? In a move usually reserved for Latin American dictators or...
Ricky Williams Refuses to Hide from The Woman Trapped Inside Him
In the December issue of Playboy magazine, our buddy Pat Jordan penned an enormous profile on the ganja-toking, yoga-loving problem child, as he attempts to rejuvenate his NFL career with the Miami Dolphins. In the piece, we learn about his many quirks, his relationship with the mother of his two ch...
Kerry "the Crooning Cannon" Collins Is a Country Music Songwriter
Lost in the bedlam that has overtaken my hometown over the Titans 9-0 start and Kerry Collins becoming an MVP candidate is this fact: Kerry Collins has written a country song. Which is entertaining on several levels, but not nearly as entertaining as the title: "It's Not Hard to Be Happy When I'm L...
Terrell Owens, Comedian
I did not see last night's "Late Show with David Letterman" (so late!) so I missed this appearance by everyone's favorite vaudeville joke-maker and occasional wide receiver Terrell Owens. We also lost our copy of "Little T Learns To Share," but we think this Top Ten list sends pretty much the same m...
Understanding The NFL Fine System (Hint: You Can't)
Last week, New York Giants defensive end Justin Tuck was fined $7,500 for a hit that pretty much everyone on the planet—except for the referee who a threw a flag at him—agreed was a textbook tackle. The commissioner's office felt this was a perfectly reasonable response as part of its effort to prot...
There Are More Favres Around Than You Think, America
Yes, Dylan Favre here, a junior at St. Stanislaus High in Mississippi, is related to Brett Favre. He's a nephew, and evidently pretty good, for his size. Favre the Lesser set the state's single-season record for TD passes at 43 last week in his team's regular-season finale, throwing for five scores ...
The Patriots Public Relations Department Has Had a Busy Week
Poor Stacey James. Fresh off of the Caitlin Davis fiasco from last week, the Patriots executive director of PR has found himself answering more uncomfortable questions about persons loosely affiliated with the team. This week, it's Marblehead High School Coach, Doug Chernovetz (pictured), who was aw...
Barack Obama Will Not Take Away Your Ties Or Your Hair
I don't remember where I saw it, but about a year-and-a-half ago, in one of those "Hey, there's a cool black guy running for President!" stories, the writer posited that Barack Obama, if he were to somehow win (crazy!), would have something immediately in common with John F. Kennedy: He could destro...