NFL Page 701 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Sad History Of The Skins' Bogus Season Ticket Waiting List
In the least surprising bombshell you’ll read about this week, the Skins have admitted that nobody’s actually waiting for season tickets, despite an alleged waiting list that owner Dan Snyder used to claim had 200,000 people....
No Patriots Player Wants To Go On The Record As Saying Bill Belichick Is Fun
This week, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick wrapped up the team’s voluntary OTAs a little early as a little treat, and he also set up an off-the-field activity for his players. (Maybe that’s the damage control required when a former player says it sucked to play for you and trade rumors about one...
The Christian Hackenberg Era In Oakland Is Over After Three Weeks
Three weeks ago, the New York Jets traded former second-round pick Christian Hackenberg to the Raiders after keeping his ass firmly planted on the bench for two entire seasons. Unfortunately, he will not take the field for the Raiders either, as ESPN’s Field Yates reported this afternoon that Oaklan...
NFL Kicker Graham Gano Brings His Family Kickball Game To A Satisfying End
Panthers placekicker Graham Gano was told “just don’t kick it hard” as he lined up for an attempt in his family’s kickball game, but that’s kind of tough to do when it’s his job to kick it hard....
Romantic <i>Bachelorette </i>Football Game Ends In An Injury To An Actual NFL Player
Team, Monday night’s episode of The Bachelorette was a rough one. Not only did we lose two soldiers to injury, but our game was in danger of being pushed back because of a pesky little thing called the “NBA Finals,” and was still interrupted by a fascist dictator meeting with a wannabe fascist dicta...
Andrew Luck Threw A Damn Football!
Big NFL news today: Andrew Luck put a frickin’ football in his hands and then threw the football. It’s the first time he’s done that in something like 272 years....
True Ass-Brain Football Columnist Says Matt Patricia Risks Losing Lions Players Because Punishment Isn't Fun
Matt Patricia has been head coach of the Detroit Lions for roughly 19 minutes. It’s been a rocky time—mere moments after he accepted the job, the Detroit News reported on a sexual assault indictment in Patricia’s past, and the Lions organization needed much of the time since—and, frankly, the aid of...
Kellen Winslow Jr. Says He Was House Shopping For His Mother-In-Law When He Was Arrested On Suspicion Of Burglary
Former NFL tight end Kellen Winslow Jr. was arrested last week on suspicion of burglary at a mobile home park near San Diego. Winslow was allegedly spotted entering an unoccupied residence on Thursday by a neighbor, who called police after a brief confrontation outside the home. Winslow was arrested...
Giants' Zak DeOssie Reported His Super Bowl Rings Stolen, Actually Left Them On Top Of His Car
Last month Zak DeOssie thought his championship rings were purloined, but a police investigation concluded that the Giants long snapper had done what many people have with coffee mugs, briefcases, and other items they forget about while getting into their car....
Pseudonymous Redditor Breaks Julian Edelman PED Suspension News Hours Ahead Of ESPN Report
ESPN’s Field Yates and Adam Schefter reported Thursday afternoon that Julian Edelman is facing a four-game PED suspension from the NFL, pending an ongoing appeal. This is important news, for a number of reasons: New England’s receiving corps was thinned out during the offseason, making Edelman’s pro...
Terrell Owens Says He’ll Skip Hall Of Fame Enshrinement And Have His Own Ceremony Later
Terrell Owens will be inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame this August. But he won’t be there to celebrate his enshrinement....
This Is Quite The <i>Madden </i>Chokejob
In that frame up above, the guy playing as the Seahawks in Madden 18 recovered the onside kick with a lead of six and five seconds left. He still absolutely blew it....
Ryan Shazier's Dream Is To Return To The NFL, For Some Reason
Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker Ryan Shazier gave his first press conference today since getting carried off the field with a serious spinal injury in a December game against the Bengals. That injury left fans in the dark for over two months about whether Shazier was even able to walk, but Shazier, w...
Ravens Give Bullshit Player-Blaming Explanation For Violation Of Offseason Rules
The offense and the punishment here are minor and don’t much matter, but the excuse is very much indicative of how things work in the modern NFL....
Hue Jackson Tries To Motivate Browns By Inadvertently Making Their Helmets Look Cooler
Anyone paying attention to Browns training camp—so, nobody beyond a group of irascible, underpaid beat writers—may have noticed that the players’ equipment looks a little different. The brown and white stripes that go across the middle of the helmet are missing. In a surprising deviation from everyt...
Malcolm Jenkins Says A Lot Without Saying A Thing
The Eagles had a media availability today, the day after Donald Trump celebrated Philly’s Super Bowl title by honoring himself. As one might expect, there was a big media turnout:...
The NFL Is Too Dumb To Realize That Donald Trump Is Never Going To Stop With This Shit
There is a story—which is usually described as a poem but is more precisely a muddled version of a song written by the jazz singer Oscar Brown Jr.—that Donald Trump delights in reading to crowds at his campaign rallies. Trump refers to it as “The Snake” and his fans know it by that name. “Who likes ...
The Athletes Hit A Slump This Week On <i>The Bachelorette</i>, But Lil Jon Showed Up
Okay, team. This week was a rambunctious one, full of so many twists and turns that none of us could really follow the playbook. As the season goes on, the chaff will be cut and the roster will really start to gel. But in the meantime, as your stern but loving coach, I’m here to make clear what real...
Pro Football's Anti-Domestic Violence Initiatives Are Still Garbage
Deborah Epstein is a law professor at Georgetown, where she’s also co-director of the law center’s Domestic Violence Clinic. Today, she published an op-ed in the Washington Post revealing that she and another person, a past president of the National Network to End Domestic Violence, recently resigne...
White House: Philadelphia Eagles "Decided To Abandon Their Fans"
Donald Trump won’t leave this alone, because he can’t leave this alone, because this isn’t about patriotism or respecting the flag or honoring the troops or anything other than his own desire to stoke outrage and division in the name of political expediency. Via the White House press office:...