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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

For the NFL’s smartest team, this seems remarkably dumb

As NFL teams struggle to hand positive COVID tests by players, even the Patriots are getting stupid.
As NFL teams struggle to hand positive COVID tests by players, even the Patriots are getting stupid.
Image: (Getty Images)

I’ve been staring at this bit of information for at least 10 minutes to see if I could find the logic. Maybe I’m like that guy from “Mallrats” who can’t see the fucking schooner.

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It would seem the Patriots strategy for getting to Kansas City safely is to take anyone who was near Cam Newton and make sure they get COVID-19 on one plane. Then let them loose with the rest of the team when they land at the hotel and then Arrowhead, except instead of having only a couple of contagious players, they can have up to 20.

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Of course, no plan would really work if Newton has spread the virus to any other player. The only surefire way is to keep everyone who came into close contact with Newton, which the team and league monitor pretty closely thanks to these bracelets, at home. But then they’d probably have to postpone their game with the Chiefs, which is a scheduling nightmare. That would also convey the message that the NFL doesn’t really know what they’re doing here, are not in control, and just about everyone is at risk. Can’t have that!

Given the incubation period, it’s unlikely too many more players on the Pats will test positive before Monday night’s rescheduled game. And perhaps no one will (or we won’t find out about it), which will give the team and league and CBS enough cover to make everyone think they’ve got a handle on things. Still, on a plane for over two hours with recirculated air with at least one person who caught it from Newton...you see where this is going.

No one has any idea what they’re doing. MLB got through an un-bubbled season basically due to luck and their own pig-headedness. They can claim success, but they have a way around the Marlins, Cardinals, Phillies, and Yankees having to miss a swath of games. The NFL does not. And MLB still has no idea if any of the players who contracted the virus will suffer long-term damage.

Given that this week saw one postponement, the Saints having one positive test, and this whole Patriots thing, it seems like the league is heading for a bunch of questions it does not have answers for. It would make for good television if it wasn’t for the whole, y’know, lives in danger thing.

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Let’s talk about this:

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These playoffs have been a coming-out party for rookie Tyler Herro, and this undoes all the work he had put in. Let’s face it, he looks like your high school classmate who thought it was funny to flash gang signs in every group picture, and when he found out the cops were on the way to his party he spent five minutes yelling about how he didn’t give a shit and fuck the police and all that and then pissed himself and cried and cried about what this would do to his application to Yale when he was alone with the cops.

Anyway, the Heat won last night, 115-104, with Jimmy Butler gutting the Lakers for 40 points with a surgical mid-range - the series might not be as much of a walkover as it looked. But this is all anyone’s going to remember. It’s really not that far removed from your five-year-old flexing his biceps in the cape his mom made him and his underwear.

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It was one thing when the English Premier League was playing without fans. It was another when they moved all the games to Strawberry Fields.

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Sunday started with the previously undefeated Leicester City getting blanked 3-0 by the collection of wayward children known as West Ham. That’s a surprising enough result. Then things went haywire.

Manchester United put on one of their worst performances...well, ever, against Tottenham and gave up six goals. The loss puts the whole club on tilt and you can look for them to do something particularly ridiculous on transfer deadline day today. Something even worse than handing the massively overrated and old and expensive Edinson Cavani a cement truck full of money to score four goals and look like Thunder Rosa, that is.

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But if you’re a Liverpool supporter like me, you could only enjoy their blushes for about an hour, before the defending champs strolled out, fell down in their own vomit and gave up seven to Aston Villa. And Liverpool were lucky to get out of Birmingham only giving up a touchdown and a PAT, because they easily could have given up nine or 10.

Much like the NBA and NFL, scoring has been up to a ridiculous rate in the Premier League so far in this new season. If Liverpool and Man United continue to defend like no one told them Burning Man was over, it might just stay that way. 

Have you ever looked at a dollar bill, man?

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