Okay, it’s just past halftime in this Germany-Côte d’Ivoire shellacking, which currently stands at 5-0. Do yourself a favor. Watch the rest of this. You won’t regret it.
Seriously, this is the most hilarious display of ineptitude I’ve ever seen in what should be an elite competition. Côte d’Ivoire’s defending is HORRENDOUS. SUICIDAL. UNBELIEVABLE.
Look at the first four goals of the day in the video above. Look at that high line. Look at how easily the Germans breeze right through it like a wet piece of single-ply toilet paper. Now imagine at least six more chances of similar quality, only this time Germany somehow contriving not to score and you basically have an accurate impression of what has gone on today.
You often hear in soccer “They won by three goals, but it just as easily could’ve been five or six!” This is meant to convey just how many great chances the winning team had but failed to score. While the sentiment is right, it’s usually not exactly accurate. No team takes every good chance in a game, and even the simplest of tap-ins can go mishit by credible players.
Today is different. I have no idea how Germany aren’t up by at least seven goals. The lead couldn’t “just as easily been seven or eight”; the difficult part is somehow not enjoying twice as big of a lead as the current margin. If Germany don’t win by at least eight it will be a travesty.
Luckily, as the match went on, the Germans became more clinical. I do believe they will go on to score the three minimum goals this game deserves. But even if they don’t, it will be hilarious to watch how exactly the final scoreline comes about.
Update: It ended 10-0. Thank you, Germany. You’ve done your job.