Go Ahead And Enjoy Christian Pulisic Tearing Shit Up In A Meaningless Game

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I’m not going to tell you that Christian Pulisic’s performance in today’s Borussia Dortmund-AC Milan friendly—in which he conjured two assists, won a penalty, and eeled his way past famously big and bad Serie A defenders more times than you could count—means that the Wonderteen is primed to take the leap from solid and promising young prospect to legitimate and inarguable superstar this year, nor that his impending breakout 20 goals and 20 assists will make him a shock inclusion on the next Ballon d’Or podium, and definitely not that, behind this silky American’s talents, Dortmund are practically a lock for the league-cup-Champions League treble. I’m definitely not going to tell you that. That would be reactionary, sensationalistic, and almost certainly flat-out wrong—all things we never try to be.

What I would tell you, though, is that Pulisic looked real, real good in this match, judging from the highlight video above. Look at that butter-soft touch! His age-defying sense of movement! His awareness and decision making! Ooh lord, that turn on the penalty! And that lefty cross that set up Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang’s goal, showing off his two-footedness! And the simple fact that he played primarily on the left flank, which should give him even more license to cut inside and shoot and bisect defenses with cutting passes, all of which seems to augur even more goals and assists in the upcoming season! Yes, this game doesn’t really matter, but still: just check this guy out!


Dortmund probably won’t win anything big this year, and Pulisic very probably won’t rack up a 20-20, Ballon d’Or finalist-quality season, either. And yet with skills like these, alongside teammates like this, and a manager showing him this much faith ... never say never!