God Finally Tells Athletes To Shut Up Already

From a special column by God in the UK Guardian directed toward athletes who constantly thank him for their success:

Anyway, you thank me when you win but why do you never thank me when you don't? I have never once heard myself blamed for a loss in sport. Why? I could handle it, you know. Just as I could accept congratulations for allowing a rival to beat you, if it ever came.

After all, if you are a true believer you will surely realise that my playing field is nothing but even; I discriminate against no one. As Homer Simpson once said: "I always thought God was just for athletes and Grammy winners, but he's there for me too."

Leave Me Out Of Your Petty Games [UK Guardian]