Golf Page 137 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Golfers To Trade Cash For Gold
The IOC is planning to include golf and rugby in the 2016 Olympics. Finally! All of the world's best golfers can compete against each other in one event, just like every single weekend of the year. [MSNBC]...
Rich People Golf While You're At Work
The PGA Championship is under way. Follow along with the online leaderboard and it's almost like being outside! (Your cubicle has never felt so small and dark.) [PGA.com/ShaneBacon]...
Tiger Woods, David Feherty's Soiled Underpants, And You
The PGA gas scandal has taught us a lot about ourselves and about humanity in general, but there is one deeper unexplored question: Why is this the first we're learning about Tiger Woods' obsession with farts?...
Fart-Gate Scandal Blown Wide Open
After what seems like decades of secrecy and lies, America demands to know: Who cut the cheese? Now we may finally have our answer. The conspiracy goes far deeper than any of us could have imagined....and it really stinks....
The Buick Open Was HQ For Grand Theft: Golf Cart
Suburban Michigan: not known for its public transportation. If you're a teenager without a car who biked all the way to the Buick Open, you're probably in no mood to pedal all the way home. Solution: steal a golf cart!...
Golf Course Hunting Gives New Meaning To Notching A Birdie
A golf course in northern Indiana has a geese problem. Specifically, there's too many of them, honking and crapping everywhere. The city council's solution? Golfers with guns....
Golfer Wins First LPGA Event, Honor Of Being Molested By Frenchmen
Congratulations to Evian Masters winner Ai Miyazato, whose reward is this unsettling photographic commentary on the French libido, golf's patriarchy, modern Orientalism and the staggering inability of women's golf to devise a trophy that doesn't seem vaguely cocklike....
Canadian Open Features Nothing But Holes-In-One
Here is Leif Olson making both the greatest golf shot ever and the greatest billiards shot ever at the same time. Of course, when three others have already aced the same hole, you gotta step it up a notch....
Phil Mickelson Is Just Looking To Maintain His Physique
Hefty Lefty is in talks to purchase 105 Waffle House restaurants. I realize "restaurant" is a generous choice of words, but the All-Star Special breakfast is a dearer prize than the Green Jacket. [Bloomberg]...
Giant Inflatable Penis Owner Explains Herself, Giant Inflatable Penis
Many will remember this year's American Century Championship for Tony Romo's valiant efforts and Rick Rhoden's continued dominance of the tournament, but the big, bright shining star of Saturday's action was a six-foot dong peeking over Michael Jordan's shoulder....
How To Get Donald Trump All Fired Up
The Donald was cruising around Trump National — the best, most stupendously fabulous course in New Jersey, of course — when someone stole his No. 13 golf cart. Doesn't he have, like, apprentices to make sure that doesn't happen? [Star-Ledger]...
Sports Psychologist Takes Full Credit For Stewart Cink
Who is really to blame for "stepping on a Hall of Famer's neck" and ruining golf forever by not laying down for Tom Watson. Not that jerk Stewart Cink. Send a note to Dr. Morris Pickens, famous sports psychologist, instead....
Well, That Was Anticlimactic
Congratulations, Stewart Cink, on your first major championship. Too bad no one cares. Do you remember who beat Jean Van de Velde in '99? All we'll remember from Turnberry is Tom Watson missing an 8-footer for the Claret Jug....
Tom Watson Still 59, Still Leading The Open Yeah, About That...
Three holes to go, and the old man is up by a stroke. Let's hope he doesn't have one before he enters the clubhouse. [PGA Leaderboard]...
Ross, You're A Heckuva Lot More Likely To Have Another Child Than Win Another Open
Ross Fisher, currently near the top at the Open, is ready to scurry off the course at any moment should his wife go into labor. "Hopefully, I can hang on for one more day, and hopefully she can." [NY Post]...
In That Other Golf Tournament This Weekend...
Tony Romo, fresh off a breakup with his biggest fan, storms out to the lead of another celebrity get-together, while Charles Barkley is not in last. Who needs Hank Haney when you've got the modified Stableford system? [GOLF]...
Tiger Woods To Miss The Cut At British Open
Woods had two double bogeys on the back nine to finish +5, but the projected cut is 4-over. Only his second missed cut at major since turning pro. Old Tom Watson somehow still tied for the lead. [Open Championship]...
Angry Scotsmen Overshadow Actual Golf At British Open
We've got all eyes on Tiger and a 17-year-old phenom, and we've got Tom Watson nearly shooting his age. But what the British Open really needed was a good catfight....
In Which We Attempt To Translate British Journalism
If the English language isn't yet universal, then the verse of sports should be. I've never understood, then, why it is that I can't comprehend a word of 19th-century British newspapers....
Drug Mule Puts Cocaine In Golf Clubs, Gets Shafted
Note to aspiring drug smugglers: If you're smuggling blow through an airport by stuffing it inside golf equipment, it helps to know a little something about golf. And no, a "handicap" does not mean you have a limp....