Gotta love the fashion at the NFL Draft

The NFL Draft, one of only two days on the NFL calendar that provides good endorphins for every single NFL fan. The other is when Scott Hanson returns to NFL Red Zone Week 1 to say for the first time nine months, “seven hours of uninterrupted football.” At both moments, there is no concrete knowledge about how fans’ favorite teams will perform, just the feeling of hope that comes from something new.

No one knows if the players drafted in the first round tonight are going to have long, all-pro, NFL careers. We need to see them against a field full of NFL players to be able to make that assessment, regardless of what ESPN and NFL Network’s endless panels of analysts have to say, and the lighting pace of trades. While a firm assessment of these players’ NFL talent can’t be reached today, we can judge the way that they presented themselves to the world on the biggest day of their lives — specifically their outfit choices.

The NFL draft may not be the MET Gala, but these young men are making their big introductions to the world on network primetime television. Their fits have absolutely evolved from Deion Sanders’ tracksuit at the house in 1989. So while some people will be ranking these draft classes of people who have never played NFL Football, I’m going to give the people some hard data: The best five fits of the first round of the 2022 NFL Draft.

My man had on a bloody suit. Suge Knight wishes he could pull off that fit that well. With that suit Williams is as ready for Detroit on day one as Cade Cunningham was, all he was missing was the Cartier Buffs. That suit is perfect for a Midwest graduation or niece’s baptism. I would probably go without the chain for the baptism but those red and white Louis Vuitton Virgil Abloh Trainers, I might request to be buried in those.

His fit has the perfect amount of red to where it grabs you as soon as you walk in the room, but at the same time he doesn’t look like the Kool-Aid man or a glass bottle of Heinz ketchup. The white shirt, the white in the shoes help give the eyes a break, and that gigantic chain may be the first in the history of the world that actually turns down the volume on a look. I mean, I see why Detroit traded up, that man is ready for the Player’s Ball today.

Johnson definitely slid in the draft from where some experts expected him to go, he was selected 26th by the New York Jets, but first he slid into Las Vegas going with the gold, 1996 Michael Johnson style. His black and gold floral jacket (by Gentleman’s Playbook) exudes the decadence of a Rick Ross album, and the look of wealth doesn’t stop there. There’s the watch on the left wrist, the two bracelets on the right wrist and the chain straight out of LL Cool J’s I’m Bad video, he was sending a message. The man is ready to shine.

But even as his fit gleamed in the Las Vegas sun, it was about more than flash just like the entire day. Johnson took the long road to become an NFL first-round pick, and that journey was stitched on the inside of his jacket. It’s the four logos of the teams that helped get him to the NFL. There was his high school, his junior college — Independent Community College in Kansas where he appeared on the fourth season of Netflix’s Last Chance U — Georgia, and Florida State. I dig it. On the outside shows what he wants, but on the inside is where he came from.

The first offensive lineman taken off of the board, and honestly if I was wavering, his draft day fit would’ve sealed the deal. It’s bold enough to go with the white suit, but this man is an NFL sized offensive tackle. Edwonu risked coming off looking like a slice of white bread, but instead he looked ready for the return of the White Party on Memorial Day.

It wasn’t just him trying to be clean with the white on white in the desert sun. He also accented with green to represent his family’s country. They are Nigerian, so to honor that he had alternating green and white stripes on the left lapel of his jacket and green stripes around his forearms to represent the country’s colors. His father even wore a traditional Nigerian outfit to the draft. Ekwonu didn’t gold it out like Johnson, but he absolutely looked like royalty.

If you’re going to go with the nickname Sauce, you had better come correct with the draft day fit. A nickname of that caliber must be complimented properly, and Sauce’s fit went with that name like Oreos and milk. He went with a Houston Oilers vibe with the light blue suit. I don’t know if he thought that meant the Houston Texans were going to take him third-overall, he went fourth to the New York Jets, but even if the Green Bay Packers had drafted him the blue would’ve been outstanding. Then there were the shoes, the all white look with the spikes just to give them a little more kick.

Then there’s the chains. As he said to anyone who asked him, there can never be too much sauce, and he sauced his neck down with the two chains that he was wearing. There’s the one with the word SAUCE dripping, and then there was the other with an actual diamond sauce bottle. If you’re going to have one of the greatest nicknames ever to be bestowed upon an athlete, ice it out and wear it proud.

So how do you top the iciest sauce ever made, just be plain fly. Dean did not get drafted in the first round, but his outfit was so crispy, he should seriously consider wearing it on day two. He went with the pink suit, and there is no hiding from that choice. Whether people think you look like Cameron at the Grammys, or a life-size bottle of Pepto Bismol, pink is a choice that you have to own. Dean owned it like he made it.

He wore just enough jewelry to let the suit shine bright along with the white backpack straps and the white shirt and the all white sneakers. Then there was one more accessory — the hat. He was already going pink, dialing up the fit even more with a giant brimmed hat straight out of the first half hour of Malcolm X. Dean tilted that hat a bit over his left eye, and the best way to describe the look is Steve Harvey chic. Harvey is dressing a bit better these days, but sometimes it’s still literally too much clothes. Everything on Dean fit perfectly, and the American people were truly cheated with his name not being called, and him not being able to bro hug the commissioner on the NFL Draft’s featured night, because he stepped on everyone’s neck with that fit.