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Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Gregggggg Easterbrook Is 5,000 Years Old

Illustration for article titled Gregggggg Easterbrook Is 5,000 Years Old

The coming return of the NFL means it's time for yet another season of ESPN columnist and Christian Mr. Spock Greggggg Easterbrook writing 50,000 words about how smart he is and how stupid and ungrateful the rest of the world is. And, as a bonus this season, Easterbrook is now really old and out of it!

What the 21st Century Considers Art The New York Times Arts page declared Anna Paquin had "matured as an actress" by playing a telepath obsessed with vampire sex on the HBO series "True Blood." Previously, Paquin played a super-powered mutant in the X-Men movies. Why didn't Colleen Dewhurst ever "mature" from playing mutants to playing telepaths who have sex with vampires? The reporter for the Times' Arts page — the Arts page! — observed of Paquin's character, Sookie, "I felt like the story line in Season 3 where Sookie went undercover in the werewolf bar was a turning point for you and for the character." Such a shame Anne Bancroft never got to portray a telepath who went undercover in a werewolf bar.

For the record, Anne Bancroft portrayed an ant (Antz), a gypsy woman (Dracula: Dead & Loving It), and was in a film called Gorilla at Large. But yes, how DARE the Times—our DOUCHEBAG PAPER OF RECORD—contaminate its Arts section with a tidbit about this... this UNGODLY show about vampire floozies! Ohhhhh, how far we've sunk as a culture. "I took in a movie. An appalling little piece of filth. Its leading lady was a blonde harlot who spent half the film strolling around naked as a jaybird! No, just give the Great Unwashed a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending, and they'll oink for more every time!" If this is what the 21st century considers "Art," then count me out of art! I SUSPECT THIS IS THE WORK OF THOSE JEWY WEINSTEINS.

I don't particularly care about True Blood, but people watch it and it appears on a major cable channel known for hosting serious dramatic fare. What the fuck would you prefer the NYT Arts page cover, Gregg? Would you like them to only attend harpsichord recitals and comment on the latest revival of a Gilbert & Sullivan libretto? HOLY SHIT YOU ARE OLD.

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