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Here Is The Most Insane Review Of The Dark Knight Rises You Will Ever Read

Illustration for article titled Here Is The Most Insane Review Of The Dark Knight Rises You Will Ever Read

Do you remember those kids in your college literature course who were the absolute worst during discussions? The ones who would make completely off-the-wall statements about even the most straightforward pieces of literature. The ones who would say shit like, "Actually, I think Bartleby The Scrivener is really about Herman Melville's distaste for centralized banking," or, "I think Gatsby's inability to reconcile his past with his future is a metaphor for the plight of Native Americans."


Well guess what? One of those kids grew up to be a movie reviewer for, and he just dropped this steaming pile of shit on everyone. In the review, John Nolte invites us into the penrose staircase that is his brain as he tries to explain how The Dark Knight Rises is some kind of brilliant, anti-Obama masterpiece that warns of the dangers of "insecure thumbsuckers" who want to overthrow America in a class war, and then says something about Bane/Obama being a "...demagogue disguising his nihilistic rage and thirst for revenge and power as a noble quest for equality." Makes perfect sense, right?

Anyway, just have a look at this passage, and you'll get the gist of how bat-shit insane this movie review is:

As expected, "Dark Knight Rises" is a love letter to Gotham City; it's flawed but ultimately decent people; its industry and generosity; all of which are by-products of liberty, free markets, and capitalism. In other words, just as "The Dark Knight" was a touching tribute to an embattled George W. Bush who chose to be villain in order to be the hero, "Rises" is a love letter to an imperfect America that in the end always does the right thing.

And Nolan loves the American people — the wealthy producers who more often than not trickle down their hard-earned winnings, the workaday folks who keep our world turning, a financial system worth saving because it benefits us all, and those everyday warriors who offer their lives for a greater good with every punch of the clock.

Got it, America? The Dark Knight franchise is all about how awesome George W. Bush and Reaganomics are. The end.


h/t Sheed's Bald Spot