Here’s our Squid Game All-Star roster

David Robinson is the total package. He’s 7 feet tall, 250 pounds, and built like a Greek god. He has the training and discipline from being a Navy cadet. He’s also known to be a sweetheart of a guy, an intellectual, and a math wizard.

Best Games: If he can survive Red Light, Green Light, you want to follow him and hide in his enormous shadow. He’s an obvious asset in Tug of War, a fierce warrior to protect you during lights-out shenanigans, and smart enough to find the solutions in Sugar Honeycomb. Good luck beating him in Squid Game though.

In a nod to Korea being a patriarchal society, there’s a not-very-subtle misogyny among the players in Squid Game, as many of them consider having women on their team a liability. Han Mi-nyeo, who is “good at everything, except the things [she’s] not,” is unceremoniously dumped from Team Thugs despite her resourceful solution to Sugar Honeycomb. But even Cho Sang-woo would probably see the obvious advantage to teaming up with a world-class athlete like Biles.

Best Games: She has the agility to pull a SaeByeok and spy on the workers to get a hint at the Sugar Honeycomb game, and surely has the manual dexterity to beat it without breaking. With her incredible core strength, she’ll probably even help out in Tug of War. But her best game has to be the Glass Bridge Game. If anyone can hop, jump and spin their way through that, it’s her.

As one of the most valuable yet underappreciated players in the NHL, Coots would be the perfect teammate in Squid Game. As a highly skilled scorer who relishes taking on the other team’s top weapons, he’s clearly willing to do whatever it takes for his team. On the
Flyers, he’s known as the dad of the team. He’s also the guy who scored a hat trick on a torn MCL in the playoffs, so he’s tough and can handle adversity. Also, he turned down the chance to hit the open market to sign an extremely reasonable long-term contract with the Flyers, showing that he’s not greedy and won’t give up on lost causes.

Best Games: With his strength, smarts and selflessness, Coots would be a solid teammate in almost any game. He’s a player who rarely gets beaten by faster players, so he clearly can read plays ahead of time and is the guy most likely to come up with a counter-intuitive strategy like Cho Wang-soo’s in Tug of War.

The beefy offensive lineman for the Chiefs and physician is definitely a guy you want on your side. He’s strong, skilled and smart and you can always use a healer on your side.

Best Games: A 6-foot-5, 320-pound guy seems like a good anchor in Tug of War. Also, you’ve already been warned, but...

MAJOR PLOT SPOILER

As a doctor he’ll likely get recruited by the organ smuggling ring and get you a heads-up on the next game.

Harold Henry Reese was a terrific athlete and an empath, the captain of the Boys of Summer who is perhaps most famous for embracing Jackie Robinson in public as he was breaking the color barrier in baseball.

The problem is that Reese’s nickname was not a reference to his size, but his skill at playing marbles. So yeah, no.