If you weren't tuned in to the Lexington Police Department's radio scanner last night, you missed out on a wild world of sports celebrations that ranged from the violent to the perverse. (The #LexingtonPoliceScanner Twitter hashtag alone was trending worldwide, at one point.) We recorded the whole thing, and edited together some of the best—and worst—moments of Lexington authorities' attempts to corral unruly Kentucky Wildcats fans.

Here's an index to what you're hearing:

0:00: Two nude male subjects
0:07: Since a burning couch is in someone's driveway, "they can deal with it."
0:15: A woman's husband is destroying things in their house.
0:25: "Everybody said they're gonna shoot everybody"
0:29: One of several dozen instances of a mic being left open.
0:35: People are shooting fireworks out of a moving car.
0:46: A shooting victim miraculously rises and walks away.
0:59: Somebody passes out on the railroad tracks.
1:07: A stampede is narrowly avoided.
1:13: Police elect to stop enforcing fireworks laws.
1:20: A juvenile with a gun is spotted.
1:26: "Get out. We got a code one."
1:30: "EVACUATE!"
1:37: (Another open mic.)
1:43: Subject is surfing on top of a moving car.
1:51: One of many ill-advised incidents of people fighting with police.
2:00: "Shut up and get away!"
2:06: "Let that burn."
2:18: The drama of shots being fired.
2:34: "Maintain squad integrity!"
2:49: UK fans assault police with rocks and bottles.
3:01: More burning couches.
3:09: The two nude males find their pants.