Hey, Baseball, You Should Be Terrified Of The Tigers Bullpen

Terror, terror! Everybody's made a big stink about how terrifying Detroit's ace, Justin Verlander, is. We, of course, agree: nine strikeouts, two walks, and six hits per nine is plenty terrifying. And everyone's made a similar stink about how un-terrifying Detroit's other starters—Doug Fister, Max Scherzer, and Rick Porcello—are. We agree, despite Fister's terrifying control in the second half.

But, jeez, have you seen the Tigers' bullpen? Jose Valverde, late of cellar-dwelling Diamondbacks and Astros clubs, has excelled: almost nine strikeouts per nine, no blown saves, only five home runs, with that sizzling fastball. Terrifying, no? What about Joaquin Benoit? You might not think much of him, because he is Joaquin Benoit, but he's whiffed more per nine, and walked fewer, than Valverde! Terrifying! Daniel Schlereth strikes out eight per nine, and whiffs 27 percent of the lefties he faces. They hit .171 against him. Terrifying! Even though he essentially threw batting practice all year, Brad Penny was awesome in the 2003 World Series. Terrifying! Phil Coke and Ryan Perry fucked in this MLB slash fiction. Incestuous, and therefore terrifying.

And, lordy, Al Alburquerque. Want a 95.2 MPH average four-seamer velocity and a 95.6 average two-seamer velocity? Al's your man. Want a spectacularly nasty slider? Al's your man. Want 13.9 (13.9!) strikeouts per nine? AL-BUR-QUER-QUE. It goes without saying, but we'll say it anyway: He's terrifying.

Watch out baseball, and watch out, New York. You can't spell "Tiger Roar" without "terror."