Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled Hollis Thomas Would Like A Krabby Patty

This here gent is Hollis Thomas, former defensive lineman for the New Orleans Saints, who tore a pectoral muscle in August and was released prior to the regular season. He's now a free agent. And now meet his rather unhealthy obsession with SpongeBob SquarePants, the nautical cartoon sponge made popular on Nickelodeon. Why unhealthy? Take a look. From a reader of Baller Alert:

To Whom It May Concern: Hollis Thomas is a 34 year old, 13 year NFL veteran. He is stubborn, lovable, & friendly. He is your typical NFL baller… however; he has a fetish with Spongebob. This man is obsessed with Spongebob. He sleeps on Spongebob sheets, rocks a Spongebob medallion on his necklace, and watches Spongebob during sex. His room is chalked full of everything Spongebob, he references Spongebob during his conversations!!! I think he once he gets a hold of something he refuses to let it go… the only thing he has been releasing lately is his receding hairline. I would call him weird but even weirdos have a method to their madness. You can catch him coloring Spongebob pictures with felt markers or playing a Spongebob game on one of his many gaming consoles. He wears Spongebob underwear like they are the latest pair of Calvin Klein’s.


What compelled the mystery tipster to spill the beans on the former Saint? God only knows. I just hope we don't end up seeing some sick cartoon version of Auto Focus. By the way: Shawn Andrews of the Eagles? Also obsessed with SpongeBob. Has a room in his house devoted to him. And who knows how many closet Squidward freaks there are in the NFL. All I know for sure is this: SpongeBob is cheerful, absorbent and porous, just like the San Francisco 49ers defense. Baller Mail: N.O. Saint Hollis Thomas Is In Love With Spongebob Squarepants [Baller Alert] Hollis Thomas Loves Him Some Sponge Bob [Deuce Of Davenport]

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