Hugh Freeze: "[Jesus Christ] Is The Only One I've Ever Met Who Can Handle My Junk"

Disgraced former Baylor AD Ian McCaw and fearmongering reactionary legacy kid Jerry Falwell Jr. introduced Hugh Freeze as Liberty University’s new head football coach on Friday. Everyone had a great time. Here were the best parts:

Ian McCaw: “What really has impressed us the most with him is he’s a man of great faith, a great family man, and he’s someone who really pours into his student-athletes.”

Freeze: “I’ve loved this university from the last time I was here.”

“The son of God, Jesus Christ, he is the only one I’ve ever met who can handle my junk. If you know somebody else that can do that, I’d love to meet him.”

[Thank yous directed at Bill Polian and Charlie Ebersol]

“Attitude is how we will talk to ourselves. We are going to brand ourselves some way.”

[To McCaw and Jerry Falwell Jr.]: “There may be a great player in Australia and they probably have seen your face and now we can go recruit him. I like one of those punters that can do all the different things, from there.”

“We wanna stress them the entire spring as hard as we can stress them.”

“The next core value is integrity.”

“I used to define integrity as doing the right thing. If that’s the sole definition of it, then none of us meet that standard.”

“It’s about finishing well with great integrity.”

“Who is the second person that stepped foot on America?” [Several seconds of pained silence] “Yeah I don’t know either ... but everyone remembers Christopher Columbus.”

“A bowl game next year. And I’ve been to some good ones. The Sugar Bowl and the Peach Bowl. And I love that light-up in our kids eyes when they get that card that has $700 on it and you can pick that recliner over here or a TV over here. And you know what, nothing will give me greater joy than to see our young men get to experience that. And I will spend the better part of my time until that occurs.”

[On what makes a good man]: “He has the ability to finish. And that’s what we will work on as a football team, as a coaching staff, everyone involved in our program. We want to finish well. We wanna finish games well, we wanna finish academics well ... and we wanna finish well as husbands, fathers, and followers of our lord and savior Jesus Christ.”

Go Flames!