If a Tree Falls Down Drunk in the Bleachers, Does It Make a Sound?

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Fantastic. According to a story first run in the San Jose Mercury News, the Stanford University band's famous tree mascot was fired for being completely shit-faced during last week's Cal/Stanford basketball game. Erin Lashnits, who served as the rowdy tree blew a .157 BAC during the game,the story said. It's unclear how they went about finding this out—maybe she went all Shooter and ran out on to the court—but it is clear that even though it may be a dent in her social life, it won't be for her athletic elgibility as a member of Stanford's swim team, according to band spokesman Sam Urmy. Plus, Urmy added that the university had previously placed the band on "alcohol suspension," which requires a zero-tolerance policy toward drunkenness. So Lashnits had to go. And finally, to put a neat little cap on the story, Urmy said this:

"We don't want to risk our core mission of rocking out and bringing funk to the funkless."

Yes. Yes he did.

Stanford Tree Fired For Alleged Drunkenness [SF Gate]