Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Illustration for article titled In The Future, All Kickers Will Have JETPACKS!

Pure blogging brilliance from 100 Percent Injury Rate over at FanIQ: While digging through the suddenly free Sports Illustrated archives, they've discovered a 1979 Frank Deford article about what the NFL will look like in the year 2000. It's as hilarious as you think it is.


A few awesome highlights:

"The coaches will begin to dress alike, and maybe there will be a machine out there doing the coach's job. It'll be second and four, the guy will punch a button on his chest and—wonk, wonk, wonk—he'll say, 'O.K., run off tackle.' " —John Madden, Former Coach, Oakland Raiders

"I think you'll have a lot of women playing quarterback by 2000. For one thing, they have a higher threshold of pain." —Byron Donzis

"The 25-yard end zone is the single greatest thing that could change the game. The whole concept of goal-line defenses would change with that." —Marv Levy, yet again

"We'll see equipment that will be supportive of body functions. I'm visualizing devices that will allow a player—a receiver, say—to jump two or three feet higher than he does now. Or we'll put a strong enough biomechanical device on a quarterback's back so he can pass 150 yards, which will be important, because the field will have to be that large by then." —More Byron Donzis


God, you really have to read this article. By the way, that Byron Donzis you've never heard of? He's "a Houston inventor who invented the first football flak jacket." He invented a lot of weird shit. Here's guessing Frank Deford doesn't use him as a source again anytime soon.

Guaranteed Hilarity: A 1979 Take On How The NFL Would Look In 2000 [FanIQ]

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