In The Words Of Boston's Generation, "UP... YOURS!"

"J.D. Drew hit a grand slam." That line speaks such volumes of how off Fausto Carmona was last night, that it usually saves sports columnists 600 words and gets people home earlier to spend quality time with the family. J.D. Drew had been making beat writers work overtime all season, now he's finally giving back to the community.

Much like in the movie Independence Day when Bill Pullman fired test missiles at the alien ship to see if Goldblum's virus worked, Drew played the Randy Quaid character by causing Carmona to implode. After that, it was fire-at-will for the rest of the game. And since Fausto Carmona was essentially manhandled for the first two-plus innings, I suppose in this metaphor he's the Jada Pinkett Smith Vivica A. Fox character.

By the end of the first inning, it was a foregone conclusion that the Red Sox would go on to a 12-2 cocktwisting of the Cleveland Indians. As a bonus prize, one of the Indians are now subject to breaking news about buying HGH a couple years ago. In this case the subject was Paul Byrd. Good thing Boston won, because otherwise the HGH story would have been about ... oh, let's say ... Jason Varitek.

There will be more, much more, about Game 6 of the ALCS, and certainly way more on tonight's Game 7. Whether you like it or not. Whether you're Paul Byrd or not. And you thought it was just another NFL day.