Every lower seed but Tampa won on the opening day of the 2022 MLB playoffs. The Guardians, Phillies, Mariners, and Padres all hold 1-0 advantages and could send their opponents fishing today with another W.
The new playoff format has that fresh out-of-the-store smell, but it still feels right largely because three-game series make up most of the regular season. A random bad day from an ace, or a ninth-inning collapse didn’t lead to distraught Mets or Cardinals fans. Stop threatening self-harm, New Yorkers, and don’t cry over Albert Pujols yet, St. Louis. Today’s a new day, and there surely won’t be another pratfall waiting to kick you in the dick. (Cut to Mets’ supporters yelling, “Have you ever watched us!?”)
New York’s 101-win season wasn’t ended because Max Scherzer allowed seven runs in four and two-thirds. Jacob deGrom gets an opportunity to try to force a game three, and… well, shit.
I can’t keep up this optimism. It’s impossible to shake the feeling of dread once you’ve embraced the pessimism — and I’m not even a Mets fan. Try preaching “clean slate” to the ball club that led the NL East for most of the season. The team didn’t pop bottles when they clinched a playoff berth because they wanted to save it for the division crown.
Scherzer gave up four home runs to San Diego, including a two-run shot in the first, solo homers in the second and fifth, as well as a three-run dinger in the fifth. It was the fourth time in his career that he’s allowed four homers in a game, which also is the most home runs he’s given up in a single outing.
If you think deGrom is going to save the day, he hasn’t gone more than six innings in his past four starts, and hasn’t allowed less than three runs in any of them. Why even show up? Someone give Buck Showalter the go-ahead to forfeit. Bunch of no good, choke artist, gutless, spineless, fat, smelly, fuckity fucks! Hallelujah! … Where’s the Tylenol?
Let’s check in with Canadian comedian Nathan Fielder who definitely has at least five minutes off of this appearance on the Jumbotron.
I know nothing about him so I’m not going to opine on the validity of his schtick. All I know is he looks like a teenager eating inside a Burger King with his parents.
Can I offer an upside though? A tiny, little bitty, sliver of silver lining? If this were last year, that abysmal game would’ve been it. Under the previous, non-COVID format, the Mets and Padres would’ve faced each other in a one-game winner-take-all, and the giddy crowd would’ve been sent into the fetal position — or the nearest establishment that serves hard alcohol.
“There’s always next year” hasn’t happened yet, so stop looking like a cavalcade of just-been-dumped 16-year-olds heading for the exits. At the very least, don’t give Yankees’ fans the satisfaction of seeing you sulk.
The Knicks played their second preseason game Friday, and instead of going in-depth about Jalen Brunson’s 4-12 night, I thought we’d end on a high note.
If Tom Thibodeau doesn’t play Toppin more than 17 minutes per game this season, MSG is going to riot.