Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Patrick Ewing's career can only be defined by his failures at the hands of Michael Jordan. Be it college or the pros, Ewing has never been able to reach the ultimate success in his profession because Michael was always in the way. And now, ever nearer to the pinnacle of his post-playing career—an actual head coaching job—once again Ewing runs into Jordan saying "Not on my watch."

Yahoo reports that Jordan informed Ewing he's no longer in the running to be the next Bobcats coach, probably via a phone call in which MJ had to bite down on his knuckles to keep his glee from being audible in his voice. He then lit a thousand-dollar cigar with a hundred dollar bill, and shot a shitty round of golf while making sure Stu Jackson put the Bobcats lottery envelope in the freezer. "Patrick, you know how historically awful our team is, and how they have little hope of getting better anytime soon? Well, it's still better than you deserve. But buck up! Maybe next time you'll make it to the second round of interviews before getting turned down."


Charlotte won't begin that second round of interviews until they find out where they're going to draft. Which means there was no particular reason for Jordan to break the news to Ewing now, except maybe that Jordan is physically nourished by the humiliation of others.

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