You can thank CBS for bringing together two things you probably haven't thought about in nearly a decade: Survivor and Surly Former Second Baseman Jeff Kent™. The show has already filmed, and Kent is back from the Philippines, but since it doesn't premier until next week Kent can't talk about what went down, or how many castmates he murdered and flayed for a skin vest.
But he can talk about other things! Like, how it would play out if Barry Bonds had been on the island with him:
Of all the Giants teams I played on, I truthfully had a better relationship with Barry than anyone else in the clubhouse. I understood him and knew what made him tick. I gave him his space, and I knew that we needed him. Sure, we didn't really like each other, but we worked well together.
But if it came down to the final tribal council, would I vote for Barry? Probably not.
The "I wouldn't form an alliance with you on a reality show" burn is the sickest burn of all.
Other things you might be interested to know: Kent was already huge fan of the show, and tried to pattern his play off of Season 1 winner "the fat, naked, gay guy," aka Richard Hatch. Also, he "has a hard time with people who talk too much or get under your skin or act lazy and stupid." Jeff Kent—still ornery, after all these years. Only now he's on your television again! Survivor: A Buncha Dudes Sweatin' In A Jungle, premieres on CBS Wednesday, after Dr. Monkey or whatever shit is on TV these days.