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John Rocker Is Now An Unsurprisingly Bad Political Columnist

If you are a fan of John Rocker and third-rate conservative internet rags, today is a big day for you., which is essentially an even stupider version of The Daily Caller, has brought the infamous former Atlanta Braves closer onto the site as a political columnist. Based on what happened the last time John Rocker was allowed to freely express his opinions, this new gig should turn out swimmingly for all involved.

Today Rocker published his first column, and aside from being horribly written and centered on a painfully stretched analogy in which a 17 inning baseball game is compared to the Clemens trial, there's nothing really juicy in it. Still, we should all take a moment to appreciate some of Rocker's moving prose:

As I sit in the dugout panting like a dog, our No. 3 hitter strides to the plate with two outs and no one on. At this point in the seemingly unending saga we find ourselves, belief has long since departed, but glimmers of hope still remain as we watch one of our top men dig in to do battle. We all know that at some point in time during this epic tug of war one side ultimately must concede. We all begin to pray that this will be that moment. As the at bat wears on our great "hope" works himself into a 2-ball and no strike count, and our faith begins to rise. "Surely this is it," we all think with a confidently intuitive mind. In one moment all we have is a prayer. In the next one our prayers are answered!


It's a lot to unpack, I know, but it takes a "confidently intuitive mind" to grasp such great writing.


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