Jolly Old Soccer Man Sets The Record Straight About His FIFA Ratings

Kevin Ellison is a 39-year-old English soccer player who has plied his trade at 13 different clubs throughout the lower levels of English soccer, only ever making one appearance in the Premier League, with Leicester City in 2001. He’s essentially soccer’s answer to Crash Davis, and he currently plays for Morecambe in England’s fourth division. Given these particulars, it’s not surprising that the folks in charge of doling out player ratings for the FIFA video game franchise did not give Ellison a sparkling set of attributes in this year’s edition. But that doesn’t mean Ellison has to take such slights sitting down:

Ellison was given an overall rating of 57, which is not great, but he was particularly perturbed about his pace rating, which is a measly 35. In the video above, he (charmingly) uses hard, scientific evidence to prove that he in fact deserves to be much faster in the video game. Who knows if this will be enough to sway the game designers at EA, but at least Ellison got to have some fun cussing at his teammates on camera.