Judgment At Urineberg: Did Hillary Get Pneumonia Because She Hates Peeing?

So of course by now you’ve seen the distressing video of Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton teetering and wobbling as a phalanx of staffers try to stuff her into a bitchin’ black conversion van at a 9/11 memorial ceremony this past Sunday. Here it is again:

Holy smokes, that looks bad! And of course, coming as it does not so long after the Cleveland Coughing Fit, this episode has sufficed to turn right-wing innuendo and conspiracy theorizing about Clinton’s health into a mainstream fascination.

This is rather inconvenient for the Clinton campaign, as you might imagine. Their candidate can have all the political and electoral advantages she likes over bologna-faced fraud boob Donald Trump, but a deficit in the “Not actually dropping dead at this precise moment” category would be a pretty critical one. Now Hillary and her advisors have to answer questions about her health, drawing their energy and attention away from the campaign’s focus on assuring both of Jeb Bush’s supporters that Hillary is not into such weak liberal shit as not doing war crimes or giving poor people more money. The people demand answers! What in the damn hell is wrong with this hacking, swooning person? Does she have the Zika???

Not so, according to her doctor, according to the : She has “allergies,” “pneumonia,” and “dehydration.” And here’s an interesting tidbit from Politico:

The real issue is chronic dehydration, exacerbated by her lung problem and Clinton’s reluctance to drink water, which has become a source of tension with her staff.

“She won’t drink water, and you try telling Hillary Clinton she has to drink water,” said a person in her orbit–who described a frenzied rehydration mission that included multiple bottles of water and Gatorade.

Here, also, is a slideshow by Politico, showing nine times that Hillary Clinton has been photographed with a beverage. You’ll notice that none of the photographs are more recent than Sept. 5, a full six days before Hillary’s allergies-pneumonia-and-dehydration overheating episode. I hope she enjoyed a beverage and some point in the interval, or she is very lucky to be alive!

For particularly astute observers, this turn of events may call to mind a Democratic primary debate from this past December, when Hillary returned to her podium late after a commercial break because, her aides later explained to the , she’d had to take a pee break. It was A Thing! It made the news. Fox News enjoyed the hell out of it.

Was this the breaking point in Hillary Clinton’s relationship with liquid? After the debate, did she sit in her dressing room, mean-mugging a tall cool glass of refreshing water and muttering You’ll never fuck things up for me again, you son of a bitch? Did she give herself pneumonia and dehydration because she hates peeing? Is this entire post an excuse to use “Judgment at Urineberg” in a headline?

Only time will tell.