Screenshot: ESPN

Future Mets All-Star Tim Tebow was on First Take Friday morning to talk with Stephen A. Smith and Max Kellerman about California’s legislative push to allow college athletes to profit from endorsements. That’s really as much information as you need to know that this was a brutally unpleasant few minutes of television, and that you would be better off not watching it.

The clip below is the crescendo of Tebow’s appearance. I defy you to watch the whole thing. I convulsed involuntarily at “I think my jersey was one of the top selling jerseys around the world,” and I have yet to make it past “that’s why the stadiums are bigger in college than they are in the NFL.” I can’t do it! Any further and I just know I would turn into the kid at the end of “The Jaunt.”

There’s an acoustic phenomenon that occurs when a sanctimonious multi-sport failure whose continuing relevance is owed almost entirely to the marketing value of pandering screeches “selfish culture” at a certain pitch and volume. It’s the equivalent of the brown note, only instead of involuntarily shitting yourself, the listener immediately starts chowing down on huge shards of glass. Proceed with caution.