Kellyanne Conway's Old Stand-Up Routine Shows How Long The Skins Have Been A Punchline

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Today is the 25th anniversary of Washington’s last Super Bowl win. Some perspective on the longevity of the Skins’ suckitude was provided by the recently unearthed video of Trump confidant Kellyanne Conway’s brief standup comedy career. Her routine, part of a 1998 contest to find the “Funniest Celebrity In Washington,” finds Conway engaging in one of the few bipartisan rituals the locals have enjoyed over the last quarter century: bashing DC’s football team.

Conway, then known as Kellyanne Fitzpatrick, had originally come to DC from South Jersey to attend Trinity College, then stayed to go to law school at George Washington University and, following another local custom, opened up a political polling shop. That job, along with her role as what she described as a political “pundette” on cable news channels, got her a spot in the contest.


The event was a benefit for the Child Welfare League of America, but the charity’s role didn’t stop Conway from making a joke about child abuse the centerpiece of her act. The setup had a brother and sister telling a court that their parents beat them, and—spoiler alert!!—the judge tells them “Go live with the Redskins, because they don’t beat anybody.”

(The video should be cued up to the 6:45 mark.)

In Conway’s defense, the Skins did suck. The team was 1-8 when she hit the stage, on the way to a 6-10 overall record. The suckage has continued through a new owner (Dan Snyder didn’t take over until a year after the stand-up bit) and several presidential administrations of both Democratic and Republican persuasion. The Skins have put up a putrid 170-228-2 record since that Super Bowl win. Of all the NFL franchises that’ve existed the entire time since 1992, only the Detroit Lions and Cincinnati Bengals have played fewer playoff games than the Skins’ nine.


And, yes, the very same bad joke that Conway bombed with has been told by others about the Lions and Bengals, too.