Kobe Bryant has been a kindler and gentler version of himself during his farewell season, and it’s been a little hard to understand how Kobe could suddenly stop being a vicious, hypercompetitive maniac. I’ve developed a groundbreaking new theory, though, that explains how Kobe’s been able to maintain his pleasant public demeanor all season. You see, Mean Kobe is still there, lurking below the surface, but he’s been sating his thirst for the suffering of others by humiliating unsuspecting fans.

First there was the poor dad-bro Kobe sold out with an uninspired handshake:

And last night, there was this poor woman:


A misunderstanding? Yeah fucking right, you guys. Mean Kobe definitely gave that woman the hug fakeout on purpose. Please be safe out there, Kobe fans.

Photo via AP