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This afternoon LeBron James posted a video of himself kneeling on a rubber sphere while waggling a large rubbery wand, that, per our own Tim Burke’s experiences, is liable to knock you right on your ass should you stop waggling it at the right rate. Every fiber of James’s action-figure torso strains to stabilize his body as he balances these dual feats; periodically he huffs and puffs and fires glances at the camera. This is one of the top physical specimens in the history of sport dialed all the way up to offseason revenge mode. It is not a workout experience that you are likely to find very relatable.

But if you’re in search of athlete workouts that more accurately reflect your own forays to the gym, enjoy the videos posted over the last two weeks by a very different, equally rare physical specimen: 21-year-old, 7-foot-3 Kristaps Porzingis. Whether he’s writhing uncontrollably during air squats, and howling while holding a lunge—


or deadlifting with twerk-ish posture, and doing burpees on leaden legs—

—my man always looks like a sapling getting bent to the point of breaking. “Tall people are all fucked up,” notes local exercise expert Hamilton Nolan. If these really are our final days together, Kristaps, let it be known that New York loved you.

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