Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Championships are great. They force cities to lambaste other cities, get mayors to make cutesy bets with each other and let writers fire up the ol' Template-O-Tron 5000 and write "Guide to Hating [Opponent]" columns. The LA Times's Ted Green began early.

The column is filled with schlocky jokes like this zinger:

No. 5, Kevin Garnett: Last you may have seen him, he was goin' all Karate Kid upside the arms of Dwight Howard in Game 6 of the Eastern Conference finals. Hey, K.G., who's your instructor, Mr. Miyagi?


If there was a street-tough from the late 90s reading, this is where he would say "treated."

The column itself is fairly rote, with the exception of Green's reasoning for why a Laker fan should hate Paul Pierce. He says that Pierce "flops more than a large-mouthed bass," faked that whole leave-the-game-in-a-wheelchair-and-come-back-thing, and is not as good an actor as Sylvester Stallone. Valid points, perhaps. However, Green buries this nugget towards the end of his assessment about Pierce: "Pierce's idea of a fun night is going clubbing and getting stabbed. Good times!" This is the part where if this was a movie trailer, you would hear the sound of a record coming to an abrupt stop on a turntable.


The fact of the matter is that I sincerely doubt that Paul Pierce enjoys getting stabbed. He was stabbed 11 times in the face, back and neck in 2000, almost dying before making an impressive comeback. It's highly unlikely that he now welcomes stabbings.

As fun as it is to make fun of Pac Man Jones getting arrested again, or of Ricky Williams' weed habit, certain things don't get the same treatment. Malik Sealy's car accident and Thurman Munson's plane crash are two examples. Paul Pierce getting stabbed is another.


Lastly, it's not that funny. At the least, make some "Pierce-piercing" puns. If you're going to make a Paul Pierce getting stabbed joke, you have to go for the gusto. Say you're on a boat that starts leaking: "This boat is leaking more than Paul Pierce's face after getting stabbed 11 times in the face, back and neck in 2000 and almost dying before making an impressive comeback."

The Times has scrubbed the story from its website, but you can view a Google cache of the story here.

Sunday Notebook [Celtics Hub]
Los Angeles Times Writer Jokes About Paul Pierce's Stabbing [NESN]

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