Last Decade's Winner: No One

In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Unfortunately, the last 10 years were so depressing I'm not sure anyone actually came out ahead.

Are you better off now than you were in December 1999? Even Tiger Woods, the most successful athlete of any decade, ever, would have trouble making that claim with any certainty. The rest of the sporting world isn't smelling so sweet either. Half of all NFL rosters will be brain dead in five years, the NBA is essentially bankrupt, the NHL has vanished, baseball belongs to the Yankees (again), amateur sports have never been more corrupt, the sports media is in the tank for greedy corporate owners who pillage cities and extort fans to build VIP lounges for their disgusting friends, everyone everywhere is jacked up on horse testosterone, and terribly salacious internet websites have turned all news into lurid nudie shows. Plus, your favorite sports team probably sucks. It's been a disaster.

(And don't get me started on the economy, politics, global warming, terrorism, airline travel, Twitter, Nickelback, Paul Thomas Anderson, and Coke Zero. Seriously, when the clock strikes midnight tonight no one will miss you, '00s.)

On the other hand ... Michigan State won a national title in hockey, so I guess it wasn't all bad.

Honorable mention: This dude, who apparently missed the incredibly amazing Roady's Humanitarian Bowl because of an unnamed harpy who has sapped his will to live. I guess living in Idaho didn't do that already.

Have your own nominee for Last Decade/Night's Winner? Leave it in the comments.